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'my work/activity' - Extra activities Proof read for common app

prathambs 2 / -  
Aug 3, 2012   #1
Being the topper of the school, I am vested with many responsibilities of the school. Some are like being the School Spokesperson/School Captain, Student Chief Editor of the school journals, etc. Even though I have so many responsibilities which of course are of great advantage in improving my personality, I have my keen interest on making something innovative like connecting Circuits, making models, trying inventions, experimenting, etc.

When I was in grade 11, I was selected to represent my school for Science Exhibition at national level. I worked on it to make something innovative, and guess what? I was successful in making a new invention. It was "Electricity from sugarcane using piezoelectric effect". I consulted my Physics professor and came to know that this was indeed a new invention. I applied for a patent 3 months back. I was the first Under 17 person to make an invention in our State.

The exhibit was about how to produce electricity from sugarcane after it is converted into baggasse at the sugar factories by making use of Piezoelectric effect. Using this method of producing electricity, more than 15% of the state's electricity need can be fulfilled. This not only won me 1st prize at School level, but also I won the National Level Science Exhibition.

The passion, interest and dedication towards my work/activity help me to make it successful and it gives me immense pleasure to perform it effectively.
ariellw2013 2 / 6  
Aug 3, 2012   #2
Hii, great essay, however, do not use the work "being". I think you should go into more detail with this essay because it is very general and you want to develop it in such a way that it stands out towards the college administrators. Remember they have thousands of essays to read so make yours stand out with great pride and knowledge. I hope this advice helped you. : )

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