Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


"The world full of happiness, determination and perseverance" - UC where I came from


acarranza 1 / -  
Mar 20, 2011   #1
describe the world you come from and tell us how your world has shapped your dreams and apirations
please comment with feedback:) help me fix:)

Alexis Carranza
My mom and my dad together have taught me the basic skills to being successful in the real world. My biggest dream is becoming the best and most successful engineer known to humans. This dream will only come after I reach my dreams of perfectibility, perseverance and determination that my parents developed in me. It only takes a little spark within your mind to develop a dream, but it takes a lifetime to reach one.

The world I came from was full of happiness, determination and perseverance. I was born and raised in Morelia, Michoacán México by a family of 4 but one of my parents lived in the United States; my mom, my dad, my elder brother and me. My mom's occupation was being teacher of elementary school and my dad was disabled due to working hard as he grew up to sustain his family of 9 brothers and sisters. We moved to the United States when I turned 12 to the city of Cathedral City, California because we wanted to be close to my dad in case he required help. We left many memories and friends back in Mexico but my mom said that if we tried hard in school, every door would be open to my brother and me.

My mom was a perfect student; she read, studied and reviewed on her on 24/7. She was a straight A student from pre-school to college. Having graduated from college she started teaching subjects such as Spanish, Mathematics and Science. She always taught my brother and me about always reaching for perfection and not conformity. For example if we got a B we should be reaching for an A and until that wasn't accomplished then our job was not over yet. Perfectibility and perseverance was taught by her and she shaped my dream of being the best and never conforming to anything until it was the best I could do.

My dad just being 6 years old lost his dad in a fire and his mom while she was having twin brothers. He and his 9 siblings had to work hard in the fields to collect crops to sell so the "family" could eat something. Many of the times he and the males of the family went hungry to feed the rest. When he was 13 he came to the United States to find a job so he could send money to his brothers and sisters. He developed diabetes and that caused him to have renal problems. His life inspired my dream of being determined no matter how hard and painful the situation is.

I have always thought of the many things my parents have done to raise me. They have taught me many different morals. They taught me that only through hard work will my dreams happen and when those dreams come true another set of dreams will pop up and again I will be trying to reach them once again. Dreams are just like wishes; the only difference is that dreams require a person to do things to accomplish them instead of waiting for something to happen as a wish does.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 23, 2011   #2
My mom and my dad together have taught me the basic skills to being successful in the real world. -------- This sentence is a little too simple. It is not interesting, because this expresses something very ordinary.

My biggest dream is becoming the [best and most successful] ---a little redundant here.

This dream will only come after I reach my dreams of perfectibility perfection, perseverance and determination that my parents developed in me. ------nice!

It only takes a little spark within your mind to develop a dream, but it takes a lifetime to reach one.---I like this part, too.

I have always thought of the many things my parents have done to raise me. ---I think this sentence should be revised to be a little more meaningful. It is an important sentence, because it begins the last paragraph.

Most importantly, I think you should add more discussion about the books and articles in the world you come from. Write about the things you have read, the writings that inspire your developing interests in engineering. Do not say "I want to be a successful engineer." Be specific, and tell what you are going to do and where you will do it.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / "The world full of happiness, determination and perseverance" - UC where I came from
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳