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Worthless; Stupid; Failure, these words shackled every aspect of my life



ChelseaSmart13 3 / 10  
Dec 31, 2012   #1
Worthless. Stupid. Failure. For as long as I can recall , these words shackled every aspect of my life. My parent's emotional abuse eroded away at who I was and individual I aspired to become. I struggled to release myself from the burden of their words. But as I try to earn their happiness, I found my own.

The pain that their words invoked cannot be articulated into words. These feeling haunted every fragment of my day. I could not escape their afflictions. For a long period of time, I attempted to ignore the hurt. I shielded my battle with a smile. But, ignoring the problem did not deflect the pain.

Gradually, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me. So, I decided to take control. I walked into my freshman year with a mission: I would personify their concept of perfection. Subsequently, I sign up for as many clubs as I could and worked tirelessly in school. The results did not achieve their approval. But, I did gained much more.

My involvement in extracurricular activities set me to embark on a journey to attain my own approval. In participating in Best Buddies I unearthed my love for serving people. As I dedicated myself to helping others define their value, I have discovered the ability that I have to impact a life. This personal realization of worth was further developed in Mock Trial. Whether delivering an opening statement with pose or portraying a witness with enthusiasm, I have found my confidence in the courtroom. In Youth and Government I utilized I expanded that confidence. This program has given me several opportunities to present legislation with 655 fellow New York delegates in the Albany Capital chambers. Now, in my second year serving as a Presiding Officer I am confident in my beliefs and my values. MSG Varsity ignited my passion for educating the public. Directing, writing and reporting on stories in my school has brought me to a variety of places. From interviewing Senators in my school's library to Olympic athlete at Town Hall I am so very proud and honored by my accomplishments. In the capital, in the courtroom and in front of a camera I have found that wasn't there approval that I needed; I was my own.

In diving myself into these activities I have discovered my worth, intelligence and success. I still struggle with the noise. However, I have learned to appreciate the pain that I have survived through. My attempt to conquer my parents words shaped and molded me into a person that I am proud of today. Without that struggled, I would not have progressed. Through negating those words I found not only happiness but my purpose. The adversity the I faced, has taught me to perceive hardship as an opportunity to develop. I'm certain that there is more difficulty to come. I am ready to see what I can learn from these future trials.

holmes01234 4 / 12  
Jan 1, 2013   #2
Gradually, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me. So, I decided to take control.

First sentence is kind of awkward. How about, "naturally, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me, which led me to take control of this situation." or something like that.

overall, very good written essay.
OP ChelseaSmart13 3 / 10  
Jan 1, 2013   #3
Pleaseeeee (=

Worthless. Stupid. Failure. These words shackled every aspect of my life. My parent's emotional abuse enforced a doubt that eroded away at me. I struggled to release myself from the burden of their words. However, as I strove to earn their happiness, I finally found my own.

The pain that their words invoked cannot be articulated. These feeling haunted every fragment of my day. Their afflictions attacked me relentlessly, obliterating any chance I had for a momentary escape. I shielded my battle with a smile. For a long period of time, I strived to ignore the hurt. But, disregarding the problem failed to deflect the pain.

Naturally, I became desperate to prevent their words from becoming a reality. I strode into freshman year with a mission: I would personify their concept of perfection. Subsequently, I registered for every club that was offered and worked tirelessly on my marks. However, my parents still refused to grant me their approval. I no longer cared though; what I gained from my efforts had far greater value.

My involvement in extracurricular activities embarked me on a journey to attain my own approval. In participating in Best Buddies I unearthed my love for serving people. As I dedicated myself to promoting other individual's value, I discovered my ability to impact a life. Mock Trial further developed this personal realization of worth. In obtaining state and international titles, I have realized what I can achieve. Whether by delivering an opening statement with poise or portraying a witness with enthusiasm, I have found my confidence in the courtroom. In Youth and Government I utilized that same confidence. Through presenting legislation in the Albany Capital chambers I found my voice. Now serving as a Presiding Officer, I am proud use my own constructive words to stand up for my beliefs and encourage my fellow delegates. MSG Varsity ignited my passion for using my voice to educate the public. Directing, writing and reporting on stories has brought me to a variety of places. From interviewing Senators in my school's library to speaking to Olympic athletes at Town Hall I am so very proud and honored by my accomplishments. In the capital, in the courtroom and in front of a camera I have found that it wasn't their approval that I needed; it was my own.

In submerging myself in these activities, I have discovered my worth and intelligence, while achieving multiple successes along the way. I still grapple with the noise, but I have learned to appreciate the turmoil. It's simple: without this struggle, I would not have progressed. My voyage to conquer my parents' words drove me to grow into an individual that I take pride in. Through negating those words, I have found not only happiness, but also my purpose. I have demonstrated to myself that I am capable of surmounting even the strongest of demons. Now, I perceive hardship as an opportunity to develop even further. I am certain that there are many more difficulties to come. I am eager to see what I will acquire from these future trials.
CTHIMENYOR 1 / 13  
Jan 1, 2013   #4
Worthless. Stupid. Failure. For as long as I can recall , these words shackled every aspect of my life. My parent'sparents' emotional abuse eroded away at who I was and individualwho I aspired to become. I struggled to release myself from the burden of their words. But as I try to earn their happiness, I found my own.

The pain that their words invoked cannot be articulated into words. These feelings haunted every fragment of my day. I could not escape their afflictions. For a long period of(sounds better without) time, I attempted to ignore the hurt. I shielded my battle with a smile. But, ignoring the problem did not deflect the pain.

Gradually, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me. So, I decided to take control. I walked into my freshman year with a mission: I would personify their concept of perfection. Subsequently, I sign up for as many clubs as I could and worked tirelessly in school. The results did not achieve their approval. But, I did gained much more.

My involvement in extracurricular activities set me to embark on a journey to attain my own approval. In participating in Best Buddies I unearthed my love for serving people. As I dedicated myself to helping others define their value, I have discovered the ability that I have that I have the ability to impact a life. This personal realization of worth was further developed in Mock Trial. Whether delivering an opening statement with pose or portraying a witness with enthusiasm, I have found my confidence in the courtroom. In Youth and Government I utilized I expanded that confidence. This program has given me several opportunities to present legislation with 655 fellow New York delegates in the Albany Capital chambers. Now, in my second year serving as a Presiding Officer I am confident in my beliefs and my values. MSG Varsity ignited my passion for educating the public. Directing, writing and reporting on stories in my school has brought me to a variety of places. From interviewing Senators in my school's library to Olympic athlete at Town Hall I am so very proud and honored by my accomplishments. In the capital, in the courtroom and in front of a camera I have found that wasn't there approval that I needed (if your talking about your parents in this sentence you shouldn't use promouns) ; I was my own.

In diving myself into these activities I have discovered my worth, intelligence and success. I still struggle with the noise. However, I have learned to appreciate the pain that I have survived through. My attempt to conquer my parents words shaped and molded me into a person that I am proud of today. Without that struggled, I would not have progressed. Through negating those words I found not only happiness but my purpose. The adversity the I faced, has taught me to perceive hardship as an opportunity to develop. I'm certain that there is more difficulty to come. I am ready to see what I can learn from these future trials.

There were only a few grammer mistakes, but overall good essay. Good Luck
Kitsumi 4 / 97  
Jan 1, 2013   #5
In diving myself into these activities I have discovered my worth, intelligence and success. I still struggle with the noise, but I have learned to appreciate the pain that I have survived through. My attempt to conquer my parents' words shaped and molded me into a person that I am proud of today. Without the struggles , I would not have progressed. Through negating those words I found not only happiness but my purpose. The adversity the I faced has taught me to perceive hardship as an opportunity to develop. I'm certain that there is more difficulty to come, and I am ready to see what I can learn from these future trials.

Good essay, overall. But what is the prompt?


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