Write about something that you love to do (200 words or fewer)
I love to create. In my community, creativity is not deeply appreciated. When you decide to go through the path of creativity, you are perceived to be different or over ambitious. In secondary school, I was in the science class and History was an elective subject. 100% of the science students didn't take History class because they believe History is only meant for arts students. So I created a game where I compiled History questions. In order to attract my classmates to play, I awarded the winner. I bought special pens and each time we have free periods (no classes) I asked these questions and the winner will be awarded with a special pen. Through this game, my classmates developed keen interest for History and the game attracted more players from other science classes. I created the game to get them interested in History and I am happy to have achieved my goal.
A new project I am working on is MyPiggyBank. MyPiggyBank is designed to solve the problems of finance. With MyPiggyBank you can easily transfer money to someone in Europe in less than 15 seconds. I love to create solutions and solve world problems and I won't stop creating.
Hi, I enjoyed your essay, but I think you could probably condense it a bit more in order to provide a little more detail and maybe discuss MyPiggyBank a little more - that seems like a more impressive creation than your history game. By the way, do not capitalize history - only capitalize languages or the names of specific courses - like History 201. Also it was a little unclear whether you took the history course. I assume you did, but you said none of the science students took history, so that would mean you yourself did not either. Here are some specific suggestions:
... When you decide to [pursue] creativity,
... I was in the science [track] and [ h]istory was an elective subject. [None] of the science students [took h]istory class because they believe[d h]istory is only
... I compiled [ h]istory questions.
... I awarded the winner[s ]. I bought special pens and each time we ha[d ] free periods (no classes) I asked
..the winner [was] awarded with a special pen.
... developed [a ]keen interest
... [Continuing to create, a] new project I am working on is MyPiggyBank. ...
The second paragraph about MyPiggyBank is a little choppy, I think you can make it flow better by combining some sentences. Also, the one-sentence conclusion is weak. See if you can cut some unnecessary words somewhere to make your conclusion stronger. Also, from your first story, I don't see how your community saw you as "overly ambitious" or "different" for being creative; it rather seemed like they appreciated your effort to create. Try to make the theme more unified, and keep up the good work :)
Hi Chizaram, thank you for writing back and acknowledging our work here on EF, I hope you do write a lot more and hone your talent in writing, believe me it will not be easy, sometimes you get confuse, but hey, when you get use to it and you feel like writing, do it!, it will only make you better with time and with time you will also be able to discover a lot of writing techniques that will definitely be helpful in your future projects.
Just to share with you, it is with utmost enthusiasm that I root for you to be part of the prestigious Yale University, it will not be an easy ride as well,however, yo know that we are rooting for you and we know that you will absolutely well.
Becoming an alumna with such an institution will not only give you that edge but will also strengthen that passion to develop solutions that will be able to help and contribute to the financial world.
Having said all that, I hope you write more often and be very critical with your writing, it doesn't necessarily have to be for Yale or any other respected University, it can be a fun article or something that you'd like to write about, so keep writing!
@justivy03 thank you once more. I need help once more with the new and last application essay I will submit.
Hi Chizaram, I'm glad that we are able to help, even more so, we are happy to hear that you consider us valuable towards your future writing projects. Should your project be ready for review, go ahead and post it here on EF so we can gather around and provide you your much needed feedback and corrections.
Now, as you are writing, don't forget all the suggestions that has been provided from your previous writing projects. It will also help if you read a few essays written by contributors and writers here on EF, this will not only give you an idea on what to write but will also show you how to approach different kinds of prompts that you might encounter in the future.
As mentioned, should you be ready with your essay, post it here on EF and we will be here to guide you towards the completion of your writing project.Keep writing!