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"I wrote a letter to the President" UNC supplement



trishhha 8 / 19  
Oct 9, 2011   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a time when you failed. How did you react? What, if anything, did you learn?

I need to add more to the conclusion but I don't know what else to say without being redundant. Also please help with grammatical errors and give your feedback! Thanks :)

As a six year old, the frustration that came from milk spilling from the carton early in the morning was irksome. This drove my mother up the wall and she would clean up after me as I ran out the door running after the bus, late and empty-stomached. This whole milk spilling business only started occurring after the milk cartons that we regularly purchased from Costco were remodeled. A new square-edged carton with a wide circle opening replaced the conventional milk carton design and this modification, of course, drastically changed a six-year-old's mornings.

I decided to write a persuading letter to the CEO of Costco to return to the original design of their milk cartons. Spending weeks drafting my letter, I wrote in my neatest cursive handwriting which I had just learned in class and searched the address to which I would mail my request. After precisely sticking on the thirty seven cent stamps on the envelope and licking the sticky glue to seal it shut, I propped up the red flag on the mailbox and sat by my window until the mailman came to pick it up.

Days passed on that window sill where I would sit there patiently waiting for the mailman to come. Nothing came. The milk cartons in Costco remained the same and I was disheartened "No one takes a six-year-old's plea seriously," I thought. This memory remains fresh in my mind today, but it casually made its way to the back of my mind at that time.

Several years later, my curiosities shifted from why Costco would do such a thing as to change their milk carton design to why some religious holidays were recognized nationally while those under my religion were not. This time I decided to send a letter to President Bush. Still a naïve child, I drafted a letter listing demographic statistics and numerous convincing reasons as to why Hindus should be recognized. The red flag was propped up, and I sat by the window sill.

Days passed on that window sill waiting for the mailman to come. Nothing came. "I guess the President has better things to do," I thought, once again disheartened.

My mother realized my disappointment after putting weeks of effort into proposals that went unrecognized. "Better to have tried and failed than have never tried at all," she said. I did not think much of it at that age but looking back at those times, they taught me lessons about initiative and perseverance that I did not know of. I learned about these two qualities through a personal interest to make a change in the world rather than having to complete an assignment.

Lovemedoosie 3 / 12  
Oct 10, 2011   #2
Haha. I can tell you write now I'm having some difficulty with the UNC prompts. I'm working on the same question and for the life of me, cannot figure out what to write about.

Anyway. I really like the topic you chose. And I am SO grateful, after reading it, I could not predict the ending. As I'm sure you found out from one of my previous posts, I hate the generic, predictable essays. Simply because any inveterate admissions officer could easily fill in the blanks after reading the first few lines.

Yours on the other hand transcends past that. I really would not change much, and I especially wouldn't touch the stylistic approach you chose. However, a few things:

"This whole milk spilling business only started occurring after the milk cartons that we regularly purchased from Costco were remodeled. A new square-edged carton with a wide circle opening replaced the conventional milk carton design and this modification, of course, drastically changed a six-year-old's mornings."

It sounds a little awkward to me. Just because it's a little redundant. It's really good, just dedicate a little time to polishing up word choice and you're good to go. :)
duke9418 2 / 6  
Oct 10, 2011   #3
Lovemedoosie. haha sorry, I couldn't leave this alone. You spelled right as 'write.' not to sound arrogant or anything. :)

Anyways, besides the few structural mistakes I would edit that Lovemedoosie wrote, I think you should be pretty set to submit that supplement!


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