Why Yale? I am instantly welcomed into what will become my future support system.

This is my first post on here. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!

"Having spent my past years as a scattered adventure, I desire stability and prolonged interactions that my experiences haven't allowed me. As an undecided applicant, I look for strong yet similarly seamless academic advising. The residential system unique to Yale appeals to me for these reasons precisely. The random assignment of freshmen into colleges would ensure that my living environment represents a microcosm of Yale's diversity and that I am instantly welcomed into what will become my future support system. Since advisors are also associated with colleges, I can have the same sense of continuity in my advising starting freshman year."

Please note: the admissions officer reading my application should (hopefully!) understand what the "scattered adventure" means. My Common App essay talks about how I spent most of my life expatriating from one country to another, spending no more than two years at one school, because of the nature of my dad's work.

Also, the word limit is 100 words. What I wrote is 101 words! I would still like feedback just so I know that I am on the right track with regards to content.

Enn, normally, the reviewers look for a response to this prompt that talks about the uniqueness of the school both academically and socially. The student's response is one that looks forward to his stay on campus because of the various fun challenges that exist as part of the academic and social landscape of the school. Your take is quite different from that.

Since you mentioned that you are going for a theme regarding settling down in a specific place for a long time, "setting roots" so to speak, I believe that you continued that trend quite effectively in this response. By the way the correct term is "scattered adventurer" not "scattered adventure". However, I would not say that I am looking for seamless academic advising as one of the reasons I want to attend Yale. I would go more for a response closely aligned with your desire to stay in one place academically so you can grow roots and create friendships to last a lifetime.

Your desire to be part of the microcosm of the Yale community is a nice touch in my opinion. It shows your interest in creating a unique family while you attend Yale. Why don't you try to add a touch regarding how you plan to contribute to the further improvement of the microcosm community? That is a response that would show the reviewer your strong desire to set down roots and embrace the Yale lifestyle and community into your being.

Remember, your response should not concentrate on the value of the Yale residence for students alone. It should have a balanced mix of your personal desires, social setting, and academic offerings at Yale whenever possible. So far, you are on the right track, it just needs a little tweaking in my opinion :-)

Thank you so much, vangiespen! For some reason, I really wasn't expecting a reply. Your feedback is exactly what I needed. I'll get back to you when I make changes. Thanks again!

Hi @Enn, I hope my feedback below is not too late;

- "( the quotation marks on your essay is not necessary as you are not quoting anyone and merely writing an essay ) Having...
- As an undecided applicant,( this phrase is just full of negative outlook so we'd rather delete it )
- ...seamless academic advisingcriticism .
- ...appeals to me precisely for these reasons precisely .
- I can have the same sense of continuity in my advisingthe academe at the
- startingof my freshman year."

What is missing in your essay is your decisive approach to what you want to be in because for now you just decided which institution you want to be part of but you haven't decided on the course of study that you want to take. However, the prompt is only asking you for your adventures and how life is being an expat and moving from one country to the other, I believe this essay would suffice the prompt.

Let us know if you need further assistance!