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About me in 10 years... | Temple University Transfer | Admission Essay



loku 1 / 2  
May 5, 2010   #1
Please type an essay of 2000 characters (approximately 300 words) that tells us more about you. Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and the alumni office has asked you to write a one-page essay about your personal and professional accomplishments since graduation. What would yours say?

Ten years have passed since my graduation from Temple University, where I have successfully achieved my goal of obtaining a Bachelor's Degree in Biochemistry. I am tremendously proud in the academic progress that I have attributed over the years and without any doubt felt that my decision to continue my studies at Temple's Graduate Studies , and furthering the knowledge and experience in the field, was one of my best decisions. Upon obtaining my PhD I felt my knowledge in the field of Biochemistry has been strengthen to its highest peak and I was left confident in that Temple has provided me the most respectable education. Since my graduation I have managed to form friendships with numerous interesting and brilliant people. From the highly respectable professors to the diverse and interesting students, I felt that I was obtaining from Temple University more than education but an experience which has changed my life forever. I was very proud with my continued relationship with Temple's Phi Beta Kappa chapter, where I have acquired many acquaintances and life-long friendships with other respectable students of Temple University, and by association was able to further discover its diverse memberships through its many chapters across the country. I am really proud that by obtaining my education at Temple University that it has helped me to become a better person, both academically and most importantly mentally. Having acquired both of my degrees from Temple, and given my time towards the many internship and research connection it had offered, I has honored with me with the admission to Philadelphia's GlaxoSmithKline division of research and development. Upon my application I was proud to admit that I was a Temple University graduate and knew that with its respectable position in the science field that I would be applying with having acquired a great deal of knowledge and that I would be an worthy candidate for their workplace. Since then I have used the knowledge I have acquired from Temple University and have been effectively putting all my efforts towards the well-being of future generations.

Still working out what else to add, hence the rather short length right now, and also whether specifying the pharmaceutical company's name is a good idea. Not sure if name dropping a brand like Glaxon is something I should do in an essay that is focused on Temple University. Comments and suggestions will be much appreciated!

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
May 8, 2010   #2
Streamline, make it sleek:
Ten years have passed since I took my my Bachelor's Degree in Biochemistry from Temple University. I am...

I am really proud that by obtaining my education at Temple University that it has helped me to I have become a better person, both academically and most importantly mentally personally. Having acquired ...

Streamline streamline:
Since then, I have used the knowledge I have acquired from at Temple University and contributed to have been effectively putting all my efforts towards the well-being of future generations.

With the space you save by making it efficient and concise, you can write some more about your specific goals for the near future and for the distant future. :-)
OP loku 1 / 2  
May 8, 2010   #3
Thanks! Yeah, I definitely need to learn to stop adding all the bs icing on the sentences and get to the damn point! Haha, practice makes perfect I guess. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
May 10, 2010   #4
Yeah, well it is a real art, like trimming Mr. Miyagi's Bonsai tree. Ha ha, maybe that is a bad example. But the point is that we should make our writing like something highly concentrated. Read Stephen King's On Writing.

:-)


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