today most of the young children use mobile phone ,what is your opinion?

The word is online.today young people need to learn some new technology such as computer,mobile and so on.because some new tools has become such as indispensable part of my life.

Some people believe that ,today young children need to protect by parent and know information about your pupil in school way and generally when their children are outdoor. because they think the society is not more safe today and when children have mobile they can make contact in short time with their parent and in emergency situation can easily contact for help,the parent have less stress when their children are in outdoor. And parent think that children should know and learn about new technology for future job and life,maybe is good way for children to learn responsibility in their future life.

On the other hand ,some expert believe that pupil need more concentrate and focus on their school and lesson,and think that when student are in school not necessary to have mobile phone ,because same new technology device such as mobile do distract pupil to read your assessment. they like to send new SMS and some new music and photo to each other and this type of activity take a lot of time.

to sum up i think that .it is better to parent have control on your children behavior for all of length of childhood life.Because today mobile phone such as another type of modern technology is very necessary tools and have many benefit such as responsibility and learn new knowledge for their future life.

has become such as indispensable part of my life.
I agree with your second ideas That pupil need more concentrate and focus on their school and lesson,and think that when student are in school not necessary to have mobile phone

my advise is not begin your statement with AND BECAUSE

On the other hand ,some expert believe that pupilchildren ( essay is asking about children not students - make it relevant ) need more concentration and focus on their school and lesson ,and think that when student are in school not necessary to have mobile phone ,because same new technology device such as mobile do distract pupil to read your assessment. they like to send new SMS and soJme new Lmusic and photo to each other and this type of activity take a lot of time.

rather than getting distracted by phone. Children might get engaged in texting each other or playing games in the phone.

You must be good essay writer in your native language. You wrote in perfect format-,
Introduction, supporting paragraphs and conclusion. But, you need to improve your sentences and vocabulary.

How?
- read as many written essay as you can.
- write yourself too and post it on EF.

I have not reviewed your conclusion paragraph. If possible write whole essay again and post here.
Good Luck!

If the topic is an "agree or disagree" type you should clearly mention your opinion at the end of the introduction, but if the topic is another type it would be better to state your opinion in the conclusion. In general, in a conclusion you should reword the topic at first, then give your opinion and write an ending statement.

Regards
Ahmad