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The ability to achieve social harmony should be a major goal in every school. GRE.


jojony1 4 / 5  
Aug 9, 2015   #1
I AM STUDYING TO TAKE THE GRE AND HERE IS MY TIMED 30MIN PRACTICE ESSAY THAT I TOOK I MADE NO CORRECTIONS AT ALL JUST TIMED MYSELF AND WROTE BELOW IS THE ISSUE ESSAY TOPIC IF YOU CAN PLEASE GIVE ADVICE AND A GRADE

Too much emphasis has been placed on the need for students to challenge the assertions of others. In fact, the ability to compromise and work with others-that is, the ability to achieve social harmony-should be a major goal in every school.

Being competitive and striving to be the best of all that you want to achieve gives you confidence in who you are, and students need this because the world is not a easy place to live in. Can there be harmony between students? Yes, however all schools would have to work diligently to achieve this as well as parents. We live in a world where the strongest survive and the weakest get left behind. Everyday students are pushing to be the strongest academically, and for this to occur we would have to deconstruct an entire generation of people molded to think totally different.

When a student is trained to challenge the assertions of others they are given a core tool and that is self-esteem, which helps them to never give up on themselves. This ability helps a student to never stop fighting to succeed and doubt their abilities to make it academically. Without challenge you never learn what you are made of. Constantly working in harmony is great, but when a student gets into the real world they will have to learn that it unfortunately is not how life works. People constantly have to prove their worth and never work in harmony.

Going further, if this was to work not only would all schools throughout the nation have to be on board with this, but also parents. We can rewire the school system, but we cannot rewire student's parents to think similar in harmony. A student can go to school, and be taught harmony all day. However, once home their parents can teach them to challenge the assertions of others. We also will have to consider how parents may feel about schools teaching their child this new way of learning. People do not do well with change and feel threatened when change tries to be invoked upon them.

It is very possible to implement this new way of learning but there will be many hurdles to get over. This could revolutionize the world in the greatest way possible. For change to happen we have to start from the young, and retrain how they think and react to things academically. However, there is always going to be someone who wants to break out of the cusp and prove who they are. Everyone wants to succeed and in order for that to occur there must be challenge.

Social-harmony would forever not only change education, but make the world a safer happier place. However, with challenge we learn who we are and how strong we are. Everyone wants to reach the highest place that they can in their life, and for that to happen they must compete agains

ChristineB - / 108 55  
Aug 10, 2015   #2
I can't give you a grade, but I can edit some of your sentences:

Being competitive and striving to be the best of all that you want to achieve gives you confidence in who you are, and students need this because the world is not a easy place to live in.

This is a run-on sentence. Let me show you how to improve its style:

Given the difficulties students will face when they "go out into the world," it is important for them to learn how to beBeing competitive and striving to be the best of all that you want toin order to achieve their goals and gaingives you confidence in who you are, and students need this because the world is not a easy place to live in .

I suggest that you add a sentence after this one explaining that, although the preceding sentence is true, it is also important for students to learn to work in harmony with others. Here's an example:

Despite this, learning to work harmoniously with others remains a key skill students need to master in order to be successful in life.
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Yes, however all schools would have to work diligently to achieve this as well as parents.

I think this could be rephrased to improve its style. Here's my suggestion:

Yes, howeverIt is possible, butall schools and parents would have to work diligently to achieve this as well as parents .

____________________

I have to go, but I hope this helped you some :)


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