IELTS Academic Negative Development Essay - Cosmetic Surgery

More people are interested in cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?

why cosmetic surgery is so popular nowadays?

My reply (295 words):

Plastic surgery has become more popular in the eyes of those who seek to alter their features for the better. This might be true as the trend of these days follows what is more visually appealing. Nonetheless, I do not this trend positive in any way.

With the increased demand for physical perfection and symmetry, people are bound to experiment with unnatural methods to reach their goals. This demand stems from false advertisements that promote beauty standards only a photo-shopping software can create. Young women are usually the most likely to fall for these traps.

Plastic surgeries may appear to be the only solution for increased self-esteem. It is not uncommon to find people, especially adolescents, being bullied for their imperfect exterior looks. While the better option is to attempt visiting specialised psychologists for help, people end up choosing the shortcut, permanently changing their looks. Not only do they comply to their bullies' wishes but they are not certain themselves if such an intervention will boost their self-esteem.

In my opinion, I believe this is a negative trend. People are now never satisfied with their natural beauty regardless. They see those that claim to look natural, on their television screens, and they want to look like them. They have lost their desire to improve upon their state of mind and just want to look more attractive.

To conclude, cosmetic procedures have been proven to be helpful for those who have been deformed from natural or unnatural reasons, such as 1st degree burns. Nevertheless, the pace at which such operations have boomed, to end up being the answer for feeling better about one's appearance, is a disadvantageous development. There needs to be awareness programs to teach the masses, more importantly young girls, that true beauty comes from within and not with a perfect nose bridge.

-what score would I get? and is 294 words too much even though I managed to do so under the timed conditions. Thanks in advance!

Well written. But just want to say that plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery are two different fields. Plastic surgery is mainly for the correction of deformities like cleft palates and others while cosmetic surgery is for enhancing the features.

Intro: I do not believe/think that* this ...

@Zainab110
Thank you for your kind comment. I never knew that they are different. thanks for letting me know. About the intro, it's a typo as I was typing what I had written on paper.

Nonetheless, I do not this trend positive in any way. (informal line) umm.. i think this trend is having negative impact on today's generation

exterior looks ( exterior is mostly used for buildings and homes)
People are now never satisfied with their natural beauty regardless (what?) (my grammar ain't good might b your sentence is correct.please explain )

no examples to support your paragraphs.even you didn't mention any type of surgery.
never include new points in conclusion.your conclusion has got all the new points.cosmetic procedures have been proven to be helpful for those who have been deformed from natural or unnatural reasons, such as 1st degree burns. (you didn't mention this thing in your para?// awareness programs??/

might b am wrong somewhere but am also a learner :)

Dear
you need to paraphrase the promt first, then you will give your outline sentences, this actual format of IELTS writing. otherwise your writing loose marks. your introduction is poor, so I would suggest you to read some writing, so that you can get some idea to write your next writing. by the way one good thing is in your introduction that you maintain three sentences in that. one important thing is that do not write any separate paragraph for your opinion for such types of paragraph because it is not asked.

hope it help you.

NIdaa, your essay will only score a 4 in this instance because of certain problems in your presentation. The first problem, is that you have created redundancies in the essay. You already indicated in the opening paraphrase that you view this as a negative development. Do not say "I do not this trend positive in any way" because that tends to be confusing. Just say it directly as the prompt instructs, "I see this as a negative development for reasons I will explain below." Game, set, and done. Always aim to write clearly because of the coherence and cohesiveness scoring considerations. You don't need to repeat your point of view within the essay body paragraphs. The only time you should repeat your point of view is in the concluding paragraph as part of the summation presentation. Your conclusion is incorrect as well because you continue to discuss additional, under developed discussion reasons for your point of view. This section should only repeat the prompt topic, your point of view, and the short list of reasons for your belief. That is what you will be scored on. As of now, this is an open ended essay, which will lower your score to even lower than a 4. Basically, this essay will not pass the test. Do not try to write too many words. Writing the minimum of 250 is fine because that will leave you with enough time to proof read and edit your paper before you submit it. Remember, you are being scored not on the number of words you are writing, but on your ability to use the English language in expressing yourself clearly to the reader. If the reader can understand everything you are trying to say, then you have accomplished the task of the essay. As of now, you still need to do a lot of work in terms of learning English sentence construction and vocabulary meaning before you can achieve that.

@Holt
Thank you so much! I will work harder on improving.