Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS academic writing task 2 Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible

hamie0218 1 / -  
Sep 25, 2018   #1
IELTS academic writing task 2

Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should go to school of at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

early education for kids

Studying is always said to be the most important thing in our childhood. Some people believe that children should be sent to school at an early age, while others believe the age of seven is the suitable age for children to start school. There are advantages of both ways but I agree that children should commence their studies as early as possible.

The primary advantage of children staying at home until 7 years old is they can spend more time with parents. Instead of sending their children to other educators, parents can spend quality time to teach and nurture their children at home. This not only strengthens the bonding between parents and children, but also gives children the most suitable education as parents are the ones understand their children's needs the most. A recent article from the University of Melbourne indicates that children prefer their parents to school teachers to teach them. In short, parents taking the role of an educator allows more parent and child time before children reach 7 years old.

On the other hand, children attending school at a young age promotes faster learning and development. Parents can educate their children but they are not professionally trained. Unlike school teachers, parents may not be able to incorporate pedagogy and strategy according to a child's learning milestone to facilitate learning. For instance, an early childhood educator would create a play space that stimulates an infant's sensory experience while parents do not have that knowledge to produce that experience. According to a recent research by University of Hong Kong, if toddlers are involved in a rich learning environment at school, the development of motor and language skills will be faster.

Nowadays, both parents have to work in most of the families. Therefore, not many of them have time to look after their children at home. In addition, even though parents are willing to spend time to teach children, the ways and methods of teaching may not be as well developed as trained teachers. Therefore, I believe sending children to school at the age of two is the most practical and beneficial decision. Parents can work to maintain a family's living while children can receive education provided by professionally recognized teachers at school.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753  
Sep 26, 2018   #2
Phoebe, while your opening paraphrase should be commended for its interesting prompt restatement and reproduction of the discussion instructions, your body of paragraph leaves the essay wanting when it comes to a proper discussion approach. As a 5 paragraph essay, this should have clearly depicted the 2 points of view and then your personal opinion or a reverse thereof within the discussion. The way that you discussed this essay shows that it all comes solely from your point of view. How did I come to that conclusion?

Not once in your discussion did you give ownership of the POV topic to the public by referencing "The popular opinion that..." or "In comparison to that point of view, others..." so that you could say "My objective point of view is..." All of which are references to the types of point of view to be presented in the essay. On another note, please remember that during this pen and paper test, you will not have access to the internet. Hence referencing actual information from the University of Melbourne or the University of Hong Kong, though authoritative, will not be something that you can do during the actual test. You won't have access to the internet at that point so it is best for you to get used to using popular opinions and personal knowledge or experience for these discussions.

Another problem with this essay is that it does not have a proper concluding summary. It is an open ended 4 paragraph essay that closes at a point where the discussion has yet to be summarized and concluded by the writer. Why did that happen? Did you run out of time while writing the essay or did you not know that a concluding summary is required as a part of the Task 2 writing requirements?

Your grammar is good. It could be considered intermediate English at this point. Your sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation comes across cleanly and with very little errors. The existing errors do not hamper your writing style nor the understanding of your comments. The paragraphs are clear and the sentences cohesive. Though you lack in the use of transition phrases or sentences, the essay somewhat comes together as a whole. Like I said, the concluding summary paragraph was of great importance in this presentation and that is the part sorely missing in your essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS academic writing task 2 Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible