Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS academic - teaching good manners by parents or teachers



sri_1 5 / 8  
Nov 28, 2013   #1
Q : Some people think parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others,, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

ESSAY :

Cognizing social etiquette is a birth right for every child. A section of the society argues that parents play a prominent role in preaching these ethics to children. However, the rest believe that preaching should be done by the teacher. Personally, I feel both parents and teachers play a vital role in making the child to understand his social values to mold him into future's better citizen.

To start, it is well known that the parents play an important role in helping their child to understand his social responsibility. Actions speak more than words. Hence, every deed of the parent, either positive or negative, will definitely have a direct impact on the child. Thus, parents should take care that they set a good example for their kid to shine as a good citizen in the future.

Secondly, teachers are considered as second parents. They hold the same responsibility of the parent to sculpt a child into a good citizen. Moreover, they have a proper infrastructure and situation required to teach the social values to the kids. For instance, a teacher can infuse good morals into the child by telling some short stories. Also, these instructors can make the child understand the social behaviour through small group activities such as cleaning class rooms, helping each other etc. Implicitly, these activates will imprint magnanimity in the child's character.

To conclude, I believe both parents and teachers should equally work in preaching good etiquette to a child by both words and actions. This will surely shape the child as a better person with good social moral in the future.

Rachel26HJ 3 / 6  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
Overall, the language is quiet fluent. But in terms of the logic structure, I think the second paragraph - arguing from the perspective of parents, needs more explanation and supports. As mentioned " Actions speak more than words" above, it seems not strong enough or directly related to your argument about parents playing an important roles. It would be better that you provide an example or supporting idea about how parents act or speak will have impact on children's social value. Hence....
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 30, 2013   #3
To start, it is well known that the parents play an important role in helping their child to understand his social responsibility. Actions speak more than words. Hence, every deed of the parent, either positive or negative, will definitely have a direct impact on the child. Thus, parents should take care that they set a good example for their kid to shine as a good citizen in the future.

Include a specific example to back your reason you use to justify your position in the argument.
Overall, this is a very good essay and you have excellent writing skills, no doubts about that. If you pay a little more attention to the essay structure ( I mean including examples) then you can surely go for a real good band. If you managed time that is allocated for this task, then you really don't have to worry about this task. Good Luck!
haodiep7640 3 / 9  
Nov 30, 2013   #4
This is a very good essay. Your grammar and vocabulary are also good as well. But I think you repeated the word "citizen" too much. Hope you will get a good score in your exam :)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS academic - teaching good manners by parents or teachers
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳