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Without action to solve this problem, electronics may destroy a relationship between loved people


badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, most of the people like to using an electronic gadget. Some people say that there is a disadvantage from using a gadget. I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect to the users.

People using gadget because many reasons from its function. In fact it has a negative effect to human life. The disadvantage of electronic media usage because it makes someone less time to do relationship with the others. For example, primary high school student who using an electronic media. They will spend a lot of time in front of their gadget, such as laptop, and IPad. They took a long time just for play games by their gadget or they spent their weekend for play PSP in their homes. They prefer playing alone rather than go out with their classmates or relatives. This condition is not good for development their social capability. Because they will lose their moments and contacts with their the loved people.

On the other hand, they might be become un respect with other people around area where they live. The electronic media that they usage, serves many information without any filters, which they not know where the sources and for who the content is purposed. If the children consume any information that have bad impact, it will affect their perception to other people. the study says that most of the young experience the improvement of social relationships it their lives, in 11-18 age group. But, good relationship will not produce without any stimulant, such as gather with families, help older people and make friend. They never do those activities, because they fulfill their time for playing games. If this condition is experienced in long time, they will lose attention for their parent or they will not any friends.

To sum up, there is a bad effect from usage of an electronic media by teenagers. I believe that if there is no action to solve this problem, it will destroy their relationship with loved people
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hi bada, I'm trying to make some comments

Introduction

In introduction, you have told about general statement,paraphrase the question, and make a thesis statements. It is brief, effective, and clear introduction. But you need to mention all the key ideas, in this question the ideas are, electronic media, negative effect, and relationship. You missed to tell about relationship between people. It is better for you to mention all of the idea in introduction or maybe you can tell on your body paragraf.

I want to make an the last introduction based on your idea

... I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect for people to make a relationship.

# who usinguse an electronic media ..
You need to include a verb after conjuction

Thank you
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