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'Adapting effective laws' - Tobacco and alcohol should be illegal?



hongkyanh 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2012   #1
Please correct and give some commentary for my essay.Thanks all your help

Tobacco and alcohol are drugs that cause addition and health problems. Should they be made illegal? Or should all drugs be legalized

With the advance of human civilization,there are an increasing number of people who have raised doubts about whether tobacco and alcohol should be banned or not.Many people associated them with some problems of society and argue that they have to be eliminated from the community.From my point of view,i totally agree with this opinion.

Fist of all,there are no doubt that tobacco and alcohol have adverse impact on the health of people.Turn to the detail,Tobacco contains mostly toxic ingredients such as nicotine that can cause many serious disease such as lung cancer.Futhermore,it also exerts its negative effect on environment and non-smokers.When smoking cigarette,there are large amount of poisonous gases released into the air that threaten to the health of surrounding people.In addition,alcohol can cause many serious diseases as well.The recent statistics reveal that each year approximately 3000 people die as a result of the excessive alcohol consumptions and around 100.000 people are hospitalized

Secondly,alcohol is one of main reasons for damaging the stability of a society.Drinking heavily alcohol can have extensive influences on the brain that leads people to lose their control.Drunks are more likely to commit cruel crime and easily get into road accident on driving.Therefore,alcohol should be prohibited

Last but not least,tobacco and alcohol are economically wasteful for users.Moreover,it also squanders an industry that cigarette and alcohol production require both human resources and a lot of money.These investments and infrastructures should be used effectively on education,health care and lucrative businesses

In conclusion,in my opinion,the government should adopt effective laws against smoking and drinking alcohol.Only when doing that,they are gradually eradicated from the community

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 25, 2012   #2
With the advance of human civilization,there are an increasing number of people who have raised doubts about whether tobacco and alcohol should be banned or not.

Your introduction is very important to have the reader on your side. :D
So it should be strong and meaningful. It should introduce your topic to the reader and then inform the reader about what your opinion is.

The above sentence contain irrelevant information that makes the reader distracted. You need to talk about whether tobacco and alcohol should be banned or not which does not have any direct correlation with advance of human civilization. Do not include such parts in the introduction. You can have lots of help from the topic itself. Make use of it although you should not copy it in your essay;


Tobacco and alcohol consumption cause adverse health effects to the people. ----------- I took the same idea as the topic states, but re-phrased it.
joythblessy 86 / 266  
Nov 25, 2012   #3
Hai..
Instead of poisonous 'gases' change to substances.

Waste of economy...

Government is spending a large amount of money for treating smoking related diseases.


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