Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time
Owing to the reality that teenagers usually have more leisure time than adults, there are some argue that such adolescents' free time must be spent on doing unpaid work for the community. However, I completely disagree with this opinion, and I believe that the young themselves should feel free to choose their ways of spending free time.
The first reason in favor of my argument is that the teenagers have had enough pressure in their lives, so they deserve having free time for themselves notwithstanding being forced to do more voluntary works. Since schools require their students to strive their best every day in order to get good grades, students are believed to be put under many kinds of pressure including peer pressure, which may even cause serious mental health issues. Therefore, whenever teenagers have free time, methods to encourage them to take part in sport activities or other positive entertainment should be implemented instead of those unpaid works.
Another reason supporting my view is that forcing others to do anything is against the human's right and value of volunteering. Since no one has the right to tell others live the life they want, forcing teenagers to do unpaid work for the community is an inapplicable and absurd idea. Moreover, unpaid work for the community should only stem from one's heart and it is only meaningful if it is done in a voluntarily way, therefore we should only encourage the young to do it but not forcing them.
In conclusion, despite the arguments for asking the young to do voluntary work in their leisure time, I would argue that the choice of what to do with the young's free time should be in their hands.
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I completely disagree
The exaggerated response is uncalled for. Use this type of response presentation only for "extent" requirement essays. For this prompt, a simple and straightforward disagreement is sufficient. Remember that to are scored or response accuracy. That includes the expected response format presentation. some deductions will apply to your response format.
to do more voluntary works.
This seems incorrect. The implication of your reason is that the youth already do voluntary use youth service without a mandate to do so. Therefore, the discussion presented is pointless. The use of the word "more" is what misdirected the sentence focus.
The concluding summary is not properly formatted. This should be done using 2 sentences of at least 20 words each. It should contain a summary discussion of at least 40 words to be acceptable for scoring.