Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Advanced medical treatment brings longer life of human expectancy


IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Jun 2, 2015   #1
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, advanced medical treatment plays an important role in medical practice. The impact of this is that humans have a tendency to live longer so that this increase life expectancy from many people. As far as I am concerned, development of medical care brings convenience for people to cope with rare disease and have more alternative ways to maintain human health. Meanwhile, that this encourages more individuals to avoid some traditional medication is negative impact of this.

Clearly, it is inevitable that advanced medical care make easily to deal with dangerous disease. Take some medical expert in America as an example, with improving medical treatment they can find new medicine to cope with a rare disease in South Africa, ebola in 2015, which kill many persons there. As a result, we can see that development of this tool helps so much in medical practice to save human.

In addition, sophisticated technology of medical treatment also provides more alternative of maintaining people's health. Result finds that more than 30% of elderly people in some developed countries can keep fit since they check-up regularly in high quality of modern hospital using those. As a consequence, there is no doubt that some developed technology of medication care are liable for people to have expectancy to longer life.

However, opponents of this opinion said that improvements to medical care can enable people to leave alternative treatments. A significant study showed that today more and more people prefer to go to modern hospitals providing advanced service. Consequently, this causes some therapist of traditional treatments will lose their jobs.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although the development of medical care has negative effect, but it will not outshine the benefit of advanced technology in modern medication. Therefore, I would argue that by improving some tools of medication people now can make better life.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 2, 2015   #2
- The impact of this is that humanshuman have a tendency to live longer so that this increase life expectancy from many people.

- As far as I am concerned, development of medical care brings convenience for people to cope with rare disease and have more alternative ways to maintain humanhealtha healthy life .

- Meanwhile, that this encourages more individuals to avoid some traditional medication which is a negative impact of this.

- Clearly, it is inevitable that advanced medical care makemakes iteasilyeasy to deal with dangerous disease.

- Take some medical expert in America as an example, with improvingimproved medical treatment...

- Consequently, this causes some therapist of traditional treatments will lose their jobs.

Iqbal, this essay is good. You clearly stated your point on the subject.
I agree 100% on your opinion about the positive outcome of advance medical technology, it does have a few set backs
but it always depend on how and in what aspect you look at it.

Proof read and keep writing

Cheers!!!
lightfox 3 / 27 24  
Jun 2, 2015   #3
Hi Iqbal. I read your essay, and in terms of grammar and syntax, justivy has taken care of that. I wanted to discuss more about the flow of the essay.

Your essay is not bad, but I feel that there needs to be a better connection between your first and second paragraph. Your first paragraph introduces the scope of advanced medical practice and ends with people avoiding traditional medications. However, you mention in the second paragraph that advanced medical care is a really viable option, without addressing why patients leaving traditional medication is a bad thing or a negative impact. You never went into detail explaining why patients leaving traditional medications is a bad thing. Maybe advanced medical care really does everything traditional medications did and maybe that could actually be a good thing. If anything, you can also go into more detail about this when you mention the opponents of advanced medical care.

Hope I helped.


Home / Writing Feedback / Advanced medical treatment brings longer life of human expectancy