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Writing Task2: The advantages and disadvantage of children's horticulture and livestock activities



Thaoami412 1 / -  
Mar 23, 2022   #1
Question:
It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals.

Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?



Many people believe that children should be taught how to plant agricultural produce and raise animals in elementary schools. Although there are some drawbacks of this proposal, I would argue that the benefits are much greater.

The main disadvantage of this idea relates to the guarantee of children's safety and health. When they come in direct contact with certain types of animals, vegetables, and soils, they would be exposed to viruses, germs, and harmful bacteria which could be dangerous pathogens, causing the increase of children's diseases. For example, when doing farm, children could be allergic to animals' fur or feathers, leading to a threat to respiratory distress. Another drawback is its feasibility. The physical toil of cultivating plants and taking care of animals may be too much for students to learn and handle, while teachers struggle to ensure the synchronous program to teach and manage their students.

Despite this, I believe the aforementioned disadvantages pale in comparison with the huge upside that could be gained from children learning how to farm and keep animals. Firstly, being engrossed in horticulture and livestock activities enhances the primary students' life skills, specifically positive social and interpersonal skills. In other words, they can learn how to cooperate and communicate with their mates, which is of great importance in their social cognition. Secondly, these activities help children instill a variety of valuable virtues in children such as independence, patience, and empathy. For example, children always take care of their plants every day through a range of activities: drilling, watering, fertilizing, and so on, which helps them foster their patience and heighten their sense of responsibility and their appreciation of farmers' work. This can promote the children's eating desire and hone a better awareness of protecting the flora and fauna. The last is that farming can be an effective alternative pursuit measure to prevent the kids' sedentary activities playing video games or overusing the Internet.

In conclusion, while I recognize some disadvantages of this idea, I firmly believe that the benefits of teaching children how to cultivate vegetables and keep animals are much more significant because of the contribution to the full physical and mental development of children, which is certainly useful in later life regardless of their occupation or lifestyles.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Mar 23, 2022   #2
Please try not to overwrite in the essays. The rule of thumb is to produce no more than 308 words for the essay. The scores are based on the concise, meaning short, but clear explanations of supporting reasons. It will be difficult to replicate this kind of writing in a40 menute test that focuses on several scoring considerations. The word count is not included in the scoring.

Good work in the restatement + opinion presentation. It is acceptable but will not receive the bonus points applied for having actual reasons indicated as a part of the thesis statement. Always aim for additional clarity in this section for that purpose.

The reasons provided are not cohesive. These do not represent valid discussion points since the writer was not able to provide opposing reasons that prove the stated disadvantages are actually advantages. That is the expected discussion route for this essay format. The error was in the first reasoning paragraph as it relates to children's health. Had the focus been on farmwork, then the 2 paragraphs would have had a better connection.
minahaya2020 2 / 4  
Mar 23, 2022   #3
In the first body paragraph, there are exaggeration on drawbacks. I read and sometimes I imagine the drawbacks outnumber the benefits. If I write this topic, I will give minor drawbacks with a solution. Then in the second body paragraph, you write the benefits to clarify your opinion. Then you can prove that BENEFITS OUTNUMBER THE DRAWBACKS.
candylee1711 2 / 1  
Mar 31, 2022   #4
@Thaoami412
These arguments are well described. The structure is clear and the essay is brief. The tone of your essay is quite formal so I would use a more standard way to begin your last paragraph. (To conclude I would like to say that...)

Is this an essay for school? It is a bit short which can be either an advantage, or a disadvantage depending on the goal


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