Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS essay Task 2. Advantages Vs Disadvantages of buying things on the Internet.250words


cuban27 4 / 9 2  
Nov 7, 2017   #1

internet and online shopping



Internet has changed the word and with it every single aspect of our dairy routine. Going for shopping these days has became one of those details that internet modified for good. This trend is being adopted for more and more people every day due to its goodness and comfortability. It seems that it presents more advantages than withdraws.

First of all, the merely fact that being able to acquire things we need from the comfortability of our homes represents an attractive practice for every person. taking time to move ourselves to any store for buying something look like a waste of time with the advantages of technology. Recent studies have being proving that professionals and even university students whose spare time is limited buy the 90% of all they need through internet. They argue that this way they are able to enjoy or simply rest on their free time.

Looking at the disadvantages of this tendency, it shows the same problems with internet use in general. With more and more technology advances that allow people to do anything from their phone, it is inevitably the decline in social interaction among people. In the old days, whenever you visited the grocery store, you were able to connect with new people or you were able to greet acquaintances. With the use of internet, this social practice has being becoming ocassional.

to sum up, it is clear that internet and online shopping provide a wide range of attractives, however, the social consequences of this popular tendency can not be dismiss by any of us. Socialitation should be part of our routine as well as adopting easier and time saver practices, both aspects are equally importants.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Nov 8, 2017   #2
Dariela, I would like to offer you a complete review of the work you have done here. The problem, is that you did not include the original prompt requirement with your essay. So the analytical part of the assessment is out. I can only make a general assessment of your essay which, in all honesty, will only be partially helpful in improving your writing skills in the particular essay task.

Don't quote any facts or figures in these essays. You need to broaden your discussions when you do that and you only have 5 sentences with which to defend your line of reasoning. Next, using figures requires you to do online research, which you won't be able to do during the actual exam due to a locked down, LAN only computer system. It is imperative that you always practice in as close to an exam center set up as often as possible so you will know how to function on the exam day itself.

Your grammar requires improvement. The sentence structures and grammar range will not get you a passing score. The confusing paragraph presentations will also not get a passing C&C rating. You are not cognizant of the writing rules. Always capitalize the first word of every sentence. Avoid run-on sentences such as the ones that you created in the concluding paragraph. The standard minimum 3-maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph applies in all instances, specially in the opening and closing paragraphs.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Nov 8, 2017   #3
Hi Dariela, regarding your grammar, take a look at what you have written:

Recent studies have being proving , this social ...

Recent studies have proved that.....

This social practice has become... / is becoming...

You may want to refocus on tenses first.

Also,

both aspects are equally importants.

important is an adjective so you do not need to add 's' at the end.

Hope that helps.
OP cuban27 4 / 9 2  
Nov 9, 2017   #4
Thank you all for your advices, I am starting with this kind of writing so I am still learning it. I will take your advices and I hope to upload a better essay next time. thanks again.
chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 14, 2017   #5
There are few sentence correction which I would like to make:

1st paragraph:-
... aspect of our dairy daily routine. ... days has became become one of those ...

2nd paragraph:-
First of all, the merely mere fact that ...

3rd paragraph:-
With the use of the internet, ... becoming ocassional irrational


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS essay Task 2. Advantages Vs Disadvantages of buying things on the Internet.250words