Ielts Task 2: advantages and disadvantages of economic development.

The consequences of an economic progress

Nowadays, a lot of nations think that by using economic progress, they can reach their standard goal. However, while economies are developing, many life values are forgotten as a consequence. I believe there are more benefits than the drawbacks of this development.

One of the main disadvantages is because sellers focus too much on profits, they tend to trade fake items with high prices for customers. Therefore, as we can see that people are taking the reliability from each other, covering our society of lies and dishonesty. Furthermore, families are also long-lasting affected. Employees including parents, sons, daughters may overlook the true value of family. They work for the income and the economy the whole year, but rarely get along with their family.

Nevertheless, boosting economy can restore life quality. It can make a dramatic decrease in figures of unemployment, crime, illiteracy, etc, improve countries' infrastructure and facilities such as roads, schools, hospitals,... For example, Danish and Norwegian said that they were more delighted than others because their social welfare was awesome. Moreover, many environmental problems can be solved, if economies develop. Countries' budgets might grow, in other words, there may be more money to invest in environmental science projects. For instance, one government has sent an amount of money for the nation's laboratories. There, scientists have used it wisely to create materials and products which are friendly with the ecosystem.

In conclusion, economic progress might expand the invisible wall between everyone, make this life full of treating and boring work. While this boosting can rebuild humans' lives and our lovely Earth. In my opinion, economic development has more positive results than negative consequences.

I would change a bit the wording of the sentences. To be more specific:
...nation's think that economic progress can enable them to reach their goals
...disadvantages is because sellers focus too much on-> is the fact that sellers...
but rarely get along with their family-> and they rarely spend time with their family
make a dramatic decrease in figures of unemployment-> it can dramatically decrease unemployment... ratesi
infrastructure and facilities such as roads, schools, hospitals,-> I would omit the word facilities
friendly with the ecosystem-> environmentally friendly

Without the exact original prompt I cannot judge your response for accuracy. Kindly remember to post the prompt next time for a more accurate review of your essay. I am not sure about the relevance of life values to the economic discussion. Is that a part of the original prompt? It does not appear to be a part of the original presentation. Or perhaps you forgot to represent it in the discussion outline? Again, the existence of the original prompt would have helped considerably in reviewing your work.

One of the glaring punctuation errors that I see in this essay is your use of ellipses and a comma. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. You can only use it one at a time. In this case, use a comma but not the ellipses. That is because the 3 successive dots are used only in casual English writing, never in academic writing. You need to better develop your paragraphs. Try to explain your examples in the paragraphs instead of just giving discussion topics with little explanation development.

I am unable to further review your essay at this point due to the lack of prompt presentation. I am just giving you a simple review at this point as I am uncertain about how to treat this essay discussion. If you provide the prompt, I can give you a better review next time.

@Holt
I will write a clear prompt next time. Thank you so much for indicating my errors.

Comments are based on my experience and they are as follows.
- Instead of economies are developing it should be economies are being developed as it is the object that is in a progress
- 'such as roads, schools, hospitals,...' is not correct because of number of full stops
- 'environmental problems can be solved, if economies ' is not technically correct. It acts as a single sentence

This is my idea