Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantges: Conveniece foods

THC1310vn 7 / 19 10  
Mar 17, 2020   #1

convenience foods emerging rapidly

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern life style. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do the advantges outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an increasing number of people opting for convenience for in response to fast-paced modern lifestyle. This way, it makes a big change in companies and consumers alike. Although this phenomenon brings both advantages and disadvantages, the advantages absolutely outweigh the disadvantages.

The two main advantages of this trend are offering opportunities for busy people and creating a novel industry for many corporations. First of all, business, who have to engross themselves in their work, stand a good chance to reduce the time for eating and prioritise their business. For example, most of the employees can only spend a few minutes for lunchtime, so convenience foods are reasonable options. Moreover, convenience foods emerging rapidly lead to the establishment of many companies. The demands for these foods are high, and many companies make a fortune with regard to this trend. For instance, convenience stores like Circle K and KFC become prevalent brands due to the increase of these foods.

However, obesity and addiction to convenience foods are definitely alarming issues. It is undeniable that these foods contain unhealthy substances and lacking nutrients, which increase the rate of obese people. Furthermore, convenience foods deprive the ability of cooking from people. Needless to say, people are more dependent on these foods than the past, and at the same time the consuming of junk foods is going up. It can clearly be seen that young people in some countries are unable to cook meals for themselves, and hamburgers are widely chosen for breakfast. Nevertheless, if junk foods were consumed moderately, there would be no need to concern.

In conclusion, although convenience foods leads to obesity and addiction, it has an extremely positive impact on busy people and market. I believe that its benefits definitely outweigh its drawbacks.
ravatrav 3 / 8 4  
Mar 18, 2020   #2
Hi @THC1310vn, even if the prompt already said that the topic is about convenience food, I think you still need to state it clearly in your introduction paragraph instead of just writing "opting for convenience" as it sounds too general. I'll opt to put it this way for a safer measure :

The fast pace in which the modern lifestyle is taking turn now makes the existence of convenience foods become a blessing. It is able to help people to have a quick meal in the middle of their busy life. The handiness of it in assisting people to get through their day results in a high demand of this product, which can also be beneficial for food companies. Despite some negative views such as its health value, I personally think that convenience foods bring more advantages rather than drawbacks in helping people keeping up with their life today.

"First of all, business, who have to ..." --> I think the "business" here should be "businessman" as business can't really engross themselves in works. In my point of view as a reader, I feel like your statement of disadvantages is stronger here compared to your stance. The dangers seem to be more prominent here rather than the advantages, despite the last sentence in the second paragraph.

I'm no professional and still very much learning, but I hope that this can still help you even just a little bit. Good luck and cheers :-)
OP THC1310vn 7 / 19 10  
Mar 18, 2020   #3
@ ravatrav. Thank you so much. What a worthy feedback you give me !
lovewriting 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2020   #4
I think you should replace first of all= firstly
ratter 2 / 6 2  
Mar 21, 2020   #5
I think you should bring your opinions to two paragraphs in the middle of the essay. It will make your opinion clearer without affecting other parts. It will also make your opinion more connected to each other.
anhnn146 1 / 2  
Mar 25, 2020   #6
You should use "Firstly" instead of "First of all"

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantges: Conveniece foods