Essay: Do the advantages of shopping online outweigh the disadvantages?

Hi guys! I wish you have a nice day!
I'm a non-native English speaker. Today I've written an essay and it is very appreciative of you to give me some feedback about my essay..

Thanks very much in advance!

Q: Write an essay (150 - 300 words) about this topic:

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

online shopping evaluation

A:

The internet has had a dramatic impact on the e-commercial in the last few years. More and more people are doing shopping online because they think that online trade has the advantages outnumbering its disadvantage. On my point of view, I totally agree with this notion for some of these reasons.

Firstly, shopping online is extremely convenient - it saves up our time, energy, etc. Instead of wasting your time running around a shopping mall, airport; in search of your favorite commodity, ticket; the only thing you have to do is to register an account at a particular shopping online website, for example, and choose your suitable product among the diversity of blend. Some websites will categorize the product systematically, in terms of its prices, prevalence. Furthermore, the shipping method also makes it more prevailing as its flexibility and effectiveness.

Secondly, the customer will be ensured for the product's quality and its price. Some people make an expenditure on jewelry, for instance, without taking consideration of it. As a consequence, they are, sometimes, be perceived by its ingenuity with low quality. However, this phenomenal will not happen again as you buy the product online from a prestigious and reliable bland with the quality assurance and reasonable price. Moreover, events or discounts on the product are more prevalent on an online shop than the offline one. This discount is considered to be lucrative to a customer whose budget is tough or they want to put by their money for other expenditures.

In conclusion, I think buying things through the Internet is more expedient than the conventional one, and it is expected to be enlarged in the community.

Bau, when it comes to these English writing tests, it is not enough that you can write in English. You have to prove that you can, first and foremost, understand English instructions. That is why the opening paragraph requires you to give an understanding of the original prompt in your own words. Based upon your presentation of the prompt, it appears that you only have a partial understanding of the original prompt. You understand what the essay topic is about, but you do not understand the instructions that were given for the discussion. Let me point it out to you:

Topic - Buying things on the Internet...
Instruction - Do the advantages ... Give reasons for your answer...

There are two main discussion points that you need to provide based upon the original prompt requirements. What you did was:
Topic - More and more people are doing shopping online ...
Instruction Response - I totally agree with this notion...

Based on the two outlines above, I am sure that you can tell where the mistake is. It is highly obvious. The instruction was a discussion of advantage and disadvantage. You chose to "totally agree". There is a clear failure to understand and address the task provided for you to complete in the essay. Therefore, there is no other recourse but for this essay to receive a failing score.

You need to work on your English comprehension skills. If you don't understand the question, don't write just because you need to write. That is how you fail the test. Instead, since you are still practicing, ask someone who understands and speaks fluent English to explain the topic of the prompt to you. That way you can understand what the different instructions mean. Don't get me wrong, you still need to understand what the topic sentence is all about. However, if you can understand how you are supposed to discuss the topic, then maybe, you can develop a simple understanding of what the prompt is all about as well. Then you can properly discuss the prompt in a simple manner within the essay.

@WriteWell
@Holt
Thanks for your assessment about my essay, it's immensely valuable. Hope to receive more help from you in my next essay. I will try my best !!