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Do the advantages for starting their own business outweigh the disadvantages?


IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern era when the business is the common thing, there is a popular trend for people to open for business rather than stay as the employee. Even though there are some problems they will face, I believe that the convenience overcomes any drawbacks.

Starting a business is not as easy as we flip our hand. There are many difficulties which often come to the entrepreneur. Some people tend to make their own business without any preparation and it can make the problem getting worse. If the people have a lack of managerial skills, then the employers will lead their company in a red-light condition. Also, competition, sometimes, makes a new culture shock for people who have not a good mentality and valuable business experiences.

However, becoming an entrepreneur is an interesting one. There are many positive things that can be useful for us and people around us. The first one is that we can open the job opportunity. The unemployment issue around us can be easily solved by the appearance of their new company. Also, as the owner, they can control the flow of money which can be allocated to the employee and mostly to the owner so that the owner can increase their wealthy level. The last and probably the most advantage are that the entrepreneur is able to be much closer to their family. They can interact more than they have done before because they work at home.

All in all, I think that the advantages of becoming an entrepreneur are greater than the disadvantages. However, someone that wants to start a new job should make an attention towards their skill because the future problem can only be controlled by their inter-personal skill.

ibe13 36 / 50 9  
Oct 28, 2016   #2
Aloha Ivan, here are my thoughts

(1) In the modern era when the business is the common thing , there is apopular trend for people to open ... (I think you write repetitive idea on your introduction. Thus, you'd better make it simple for example you can say "in the modern era,)

(2) If the people (...), then the employers will lead ... (you can write "if" without "then" after comma. It is called zero conditional sentence)

(3) overall in the first body paragraph, I haven't found drawbacks of being entrepreneur that you have to mention

I hope it can be helpful, keep writing
septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 28, 2016   #3
Hello ivan! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) ... when the business is thea common thing, (...) trend for some people
(2) ... are some problems that they will face, I believe ...

(3) Starting up a business is not as ...
(4) Also, a competition, sometimes, makes (...) people who have not ready or have no good mental a good mentality and ...

(5) However, for some people, becoming an entrepreneur ...
(6) ... that we can open thea job opportunity.
(7) The last and probably the most advantage The last but not the least areis that the entrepreneur ...
(8) ... done before because they can work at home.

(9) However, I suggest that someone that wants ...
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Nov 12, 2016   #4
hi ivan, these are my thought towards your essay

1. ... business is the common thing ,
[ avoid the use of 'thing' ]
2. I believe that the conveniences overcomes any drawbacks.
3. it can make the problem getting worse
[ i suggest you to write : it can worsen the problem ]
4. If the people have a lack of managerial skills, then the employers will lead their company in a red-light condition .
[ you should explain what is the 'red-light condition' ]

thank you, and goodluck


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