Advertisement makes us know what is the recent product available in the market; impact on our choice

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My answer: (Please I need an advice ,this is my first essay)

The marketing department has a big amount from the company budget to make advertisement and sell their goods,so we can found it anywhere especially on the roads .

nowadays,advertising has become one of the powerful media to sell new products.

In my opinion that advertising helps us to find out what is the upcoming products will be appear in the market,and show you what is the new specific in order to compare it with other products in same domain,in this way,advertising will give you an advantage to buy your goods wisely, it has been happen to me when i was going to buy my LED TV and i saw there is new TV generation The curve LED will be available in the market , so I waited for few weeks.

on the other side, a lot of promotion and discount advertising makes people buy unneeded products and they are going to lost it because properly the date will be soon expire it,for example I have taken an offer buy a powder milk and you will get free a powder milk for infant ,so i did not use it because i have no children .

On light of this,the advertisement is important to know what is the recent products available in the market and has an impact about our discussion to choose our products,

even if this advertisement for visual media or radio.

- Bassam, as an introductory statement, your first paragraph lacks the criteria that would make it adhere to the IBC rules of writing. The introductory paragraph is expected to contain an introduction to the discussion by the restatement of the prompt, overview of the discussion, and finally, the thesis statement in the form or your point of view or opinion. You need to have those criteria reflect in your introduction.


- Okay, this should have been a part of the introductory paragraph as your thesis statement but without the television shopping example. That can be introduced later in the paper. That said, The essay asks you to consider if advertisements tell us about new products that might improve our lives. Buying a television is not an essential part of life so I would choose a better example than that.


- You should use the television as an example of unnecessary purchases instead of discounted powdered milk. Milk is an essential need being a food product that people do not mind buying at a discount because they use it before it expires.Milk is not bought by only people with children. Most people drink milk even as adults. You seem to have your priorities confused :-)


- Your conclusion is weak and confusing. It is only supposed to tell us a summary of the answers to the questions being asked and it should repeat your point of view. Your conclusion does not offer anything solid that can be considered a closing statement.

thanks for your advise ,
I will rewrite and share it soon

Hi there.. its not bad for the first essay, but you have to pay attention for some point like this :


its too long as a paragraph.. you have to divide it into sentences and you can use a range of cohesive devices appropriately not just comma...