IELTS WRITING TASK 2; Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life

large-scale expansion of advertisement

Question: "Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?"

My essay:
Advertisements have gained in popularity due to the growth of science and technology. It is apparent that this development has a wide range of advantages for business and consumers. However, it also conceals detrimental impacts that we need to take into consideration.

On the one hand, advertising is key part of modern business which companies utilize to inform customers about their products and services on a large scale. As a result, they are notified of the various options they have and business are likely to reach higher profits. Moreover, advertisement is a creative industry that employs many people. Without this marketing sector, it leads to higher unemployment and the limitation in job opportunies.

On the other hand, advertisements focus on convincing people with a multitude of the product's merits which may be exaggerated and distorted for commercial purposes. Futhermore, marketing often aims at children who are not mature enough to choose an accurate product. Hence, their parents will be put on pressure to buy things for them. If some contain inappropriate content, it will be harmful to the development of children.

In conclusion, both beneficial and negative influences on consumers can be seen as a result of the large-scale expansion of advertisement which is necessary but needs to be regulated. People should take it into account and become smart consumers.

Please help me improve my essay. I will immensely be grateful. Thank you so much

hi@thaonguyen1st
your essay is not long enough for an IELTS essay. You have to write at least 250 words.
beside that, i think your essay is well-organized and the ideas are clear but i think it would be better if you include some examples and develop your ideas more

And, Is a key part not is key part

@thaonguyen1st
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay. I hope this somehow helps you along the way.

In general, you had quite a smooth flow for your writing. You were able to elaborate effectively your thoughts and opinions. At the same time, you had quite a clearer grasp of writing. These reasons had made your work efficient in relaying meaning.

I would firstly suggest trying to create more concise sentences. Opt to omit words that are unnecessary. Try to focus on lines that you truly need. For instance, in your second paragraph, the last two sentences could have been merged to curate a more substantive essay.

Best of luck as always.