Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The choice what to buy - is it really our decision?
Advertising plays a key role in commercial and remarks a vital decision in consumers' purchasing. It is thought that the high sales result from the advertising power instead of the society's needs in reality. As far as I concern, consumers usually buy more than they need due to advertising effects.
Advertising or commercial ads applies tricky techniques to appeal consumers' purchasing intention. By amplifying the goods' functions and taking advantages from celebrities, majority of shoppers have been lured and believed in advertising without considering their real needs or recheck their own similar products. For specific instance, a girl decides to buy skin care products because of believing in her idol, she is predicted to cost a big amount of money, exceeding her actual demand.
Furthermore, it is not uncommon that advertising only displays the products' good sides, hiding the side-effects. Owning to limited showing time around 1-2 minutes,, it is impossible to clearly present all needed information in advertising. Shoppers, hence, fail to obtain full and necessary product knowledge. Besides, advertising main purpose is to sell goods which is misunderstood by many people who think advertising is helpful in providing information or shopping easily. If all advertising ensures the product quality, which one should buyer choose?
All in all, advertising confuses consumers between what they need and what they want. Using skillful methods such as exaggeration, celebrities' influence, and missing complete source of information, buyers who rely too much on advertising, are unable to choose their suitable products. Rather than trusting commercial ads, shoppers is advised to consider more on previous users' reviews.
As a reader, I found following issues in your essay,
1.) ... shoppers
is are advised ...
2.) instead of using the "All in all ", you can express your conclusion in more formal manner ex: In conclusion, to conclude
good sides: useful/ better will instead go with the word 'product' Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,879 4564
Mai, the score for this essay will be a 4 due to the way that your discussion was partially diverging from the given discussion assignment. This is an emotional opinion essay as indicated by the following instruction:
To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Review your prompt paraphrase and you will notice that you did not deliver an extent response. Instead, you provided the following as your prompt instruction restatement:
As far as I concern, consumers usually buy more than they need due to advertising effects.
This response on your end created a prompt diversion. You created your own thesis statement to discuss rather than discussing the essay based upon the required opinion extent reaction. Therefore, your response, based upon what I read in the short body of paragraphs came across as only partially correct. While your reasoning is applicable, it is also very little developed.
You are focusing too much on delivering several pieces of sectional information per paragraph within the essay instead of developing your reasoning. Proving that you are able to provide understandable reasons for your opinions is the whole point of your essay. You could have just one reason, developed over 3 paragraphs in explanation and come across with a high scoring essay. It is not the number of reasons but the quality of the reason's defense that matters in this essay. In that instance, you fell extremely short of that requirement so your TA and C&C scoring considerations will be devalued greatly in the final score.
Another reason for the failure of this essay, aside from improper punctuation use (you have two successive commas when only one is required), is the lack of a concluding statement. You have an opening statement, 3 body paragraphs, but no summation to indicate the end of the discussion, creating a 5 paragraph essay. It is based upon these reasons that I do not believe this is the type of work that can get a score higher than what I indicated above.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I will take your lesson and improve my writing skill.