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Writing task 2 : Advertising leads people to purchase unnecessary products


Liliy 12 / 13 6  
Apr 14, 2015   #1
In the modern era, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


These days, advertising Is key part of modern business with the largest influence to popular consumer goods, and it usually leads people to purchase unnecessary products. While, it plays an enormous role in people's life, I would argue that the power of advertising reflect the largest proportion of popular people's needs.

The first, some people's goods use media such as television and website on the Internet encouraging citizen to purchase things. Media Indonesia research shows that 85 per cent of people in the modern era buys their needs using media online. As they use the media to answer their demand in goods, it cannot be true advertising too popular.

Another factor that can be seen is that free market economies can leave without advertising. An global marketer research, conducted by Indonesian local market organization, shows a great number of local market can advertise their products without advertising on the media. As media are becoming a popular value, it is evidence advertising unessential in people's lifestyle.

On the other hand, the advertising inform people the choices we have. Firstly, some product are important for many people. With the advertising they can choose variant option from several media as comparison before making decision. Second of all, the advertising educates people to be more careful to select needs. Product consumers become smart users to separate the products whether they are good or bad. In addition, people are more easily to become victims of advertising.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although some advertising may become useful value for people, people should be selective finding basic or not basic needs for them. Furthermore, it will be better if we can look deeply the products before buying needs.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 14, 2015   #2
Your intro is well-done. However, the sentences beat around the bush. Write it with a succinct explanation so as to show a full of clarity

Advertising is a key part of modern business. While this is true since advertising plays an influential role as a trigger point for people to purchase unnecessary products, I would argue that the power of advertising takes fair proportion in the significant influence to common consumer goods.

Thanks,
eddy suaib
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 14, 2015   #3
Hi Liliy,
This corrections may help your essay;
-advertising is a key part
- after goods, no need for comma when you have "and" after, same goes with "while"
- argue is a very strong verb, try to soften your sentence by using, "I would say"
- The first should be "First"
- 85 per cent, can be 85%, using figures in reference to numbers is more analytical than words
- it cannot be true advertising too popular,rephrase to,"popular advertising may not be true."
- that free market economies, "that the free market economy"
- leave is live
-An global should be,"A global"
- Avoid using "Firstly" in your essays,it should be,"First"
- more easily should be just "easily"
- the word "aforementioned" is usually use when referring to a criminal case evidence and in courts,rephrase it to,"The mentioned evidence"

- look deeply into the products before buying them

Liliy, as I mention before, PROOF READ your work and be mindful of vocabulary usage and your punctuation marks.

Cheers!!!
farhan110991 11 / 17 8  
Apr 15, 2015   #4
The aforementioned evidence reveals that although some advertising may become useful valuevaluable for people, people should be selective finding basic or not basic needs for themwhether the product is heavily relied on or not . Furthermore, it will be better if we can deeply look deeply the products before buying needsit .


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