Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 8


IELTS: Advertising makes people buy products that they really do not need



MiaCuthbert 7 / 23  
Jun 23, 2014   #1
TOPIC: Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy products that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve all our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

ANSWER:
Every field has its own positive and negative aspects and advertising is not an exception. From my point of view, I partly agree that advertising is a bad industry in today's economy.

On the one hand, advertising can be good for humans as it is a key part of modern business. It is a way for companies to tell their customers about new products. By advertising, people are informed that they have many choices of goods. Besides, it is a creative industry because it employs a huge number of workforce. The result is that there would be lower unemployment. Therefore, advertising may help to advance our lives.

On the other hand, many companies take advantage of advertising to sell their unnecessary products. Advertisers only focus on selling a brand image. They use glamorous and successful people to promote their brands. Those famous people who should be listed are Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and many more. This leads to the fact that more costumers will buy their products which might be needless for them. What is more, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When they watch attention-grabbing commercials on television, they will tell parents to buy them such things. This can put pressure on their families. Hence, advertising can have its own disadvantages also.

In conclusion, although advertising helps people to meet their fundamental needs, its bad effects on human can not be denied. Consequently, advertising should be regulated and people need to consider before buying things.

Words: 251

======================
Hope everyone will help me to correct this essay :) thank you all in advance.

kbektas 3 / 6  
Jun 23, 2014   #2
I couldn't find so much errors.
Just one spelling mistake Costumers--- Customers
Also I think introduction and final paragraphs should be longer.
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 23  
Jun 23, 2014   #3
I'm sorry I always make spelling mistakes dunno why :(
btw Thanks and i'll do better next time :)
fikri 5 / 310  
Jun 23, 2014   #4
In conclusion, although advertising helps people to meet their fundamental needs, its bad effects on human can not be denied

can not cannot

I've written in my previous comments to some members of EF that cannot must be written as one word
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 23  
Jun 24, 2014   #5
I'm so sorry tiaDS has told me this before but I didn't notice it :( i'll try to write it in one word next time :) thank you :D
iamchop 6 / 11  
Jun 24, 2014   #6
On other hand: repetition
Introduction donot catch the reader attention
Hope that my comment will help you
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 23  
Jun 24, 2014   #7
well I dont think it's repetition at all.
and actually i tried but i just cannot think of any attention-grabbing introduction
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 17, 2014   #8
Every field has its own positive and negative aspects and advertising is not an exception. From my point of view, I partly agree that advertising is a bad industry in today's economy.

You have written this very clearly. However, it does not follow the most appropriate approach for the intro. In the intro, the most important aspect is that introducing the issue to the reader. So you need to be more descriptive than this in that task. This is the approach I suggest for the intro for this task;

1. Hook - write an interesting sentence to grab the attention of the reader
2. Background - Introduce the issue to the reader by paraphrasing the prompt.
3. Thesis statement - Express your opinion clearly.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertising makes people buy products that they really do not need
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳