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There is advice that teenagers should reach a job before continuing to study in school or university

Bekuk22 15 / 21 3  
Oct 4, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school or university.
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There are advice that teenagers should reach a job before continuing to study in school or university. In my opinion, taking job for a few years before studying has possibility which is useful and disagreeable.

It is clear that teenagers should reach a job before studying in school or university because it help them to have much experiences, increased ability and skill, even more creating money when they have receive a job before those continue to study. Base on my experience, teenagers will accept money and able to pay budgeting of education by their own money when they are working. Besides, they will be easy to look for job because those have already experience in working before.

On the other hand, some teenagers will feel comfort when those have got a job. It does not good news for their education because they do not want to continue studying. Those all caused by their work which make them comfort to keep working and money which they obtain by work so that they feel do not to need to continue studying. It is also influence by their perspective that someone can earn money without high level education. Thus they argue that they will not continue to study while they have got a job because they have known how to earn money as well as most people say that we get high education for earning money.

To conclude, some teenagers can have several benefit such as getting good experience, improving ability, and creating money by working but it should be remembered that those make them inattentive so that they feel not to need education.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Oct 5, 2016   #2

Your text will sound much more professionally written if you apply the following adjustments to it:

There are [...] Some people believe that teenagers should apply for a job, before...
before studying [...] should indeed prove very useful.
It is clear that [...] you should consider breaking this sentence in two to make it more intelligible.
Based on my experience [...] teenagers will benefit in a number of different ways from being employed.
Besides [...] It will also make it much easier for them looking for a job in the future.
On the other hand [...] being employed may cause teenagers to assume that there is no need for them to continue with their studies. In its turn, this will make it make harder for them to be able to attain social prominence when adults.

Those all [...] there is no need for the next two sentences - they are redundant and poorly constructed .
some teenagers [...]will indeed be able to benefit from having a job...

I hope this will help. Regards.

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