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Advocated student groups - UT Austin supplemental - Diversity short answer

carot2103 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2020   #1
Hi, can anyone help me by read and give advices on how I write this one? I'm not a good writer so I'm having a hard time completing the essays. It would be a huge thanks if I could get advices on this, to decrease my anxiety! Much love to you!

Please share how you believe your experiences, perspectives, and/or talents have shaped your ability to contribute to and enrich the learning environment at UT Austin, both in and out of the classroom.

to welcome and acknowledge the difference - LGBTQ+

Along with the development of society in general, the LGBTQ+ community is becoming more open, yet the majority of them are still facing unwelcomeness and emotional neglect from their family. My cousin and I have been best friends since 3 years old. At secondary school, I noticed sudden changes in her appearance and personalities: she cut off her hair, threw away dresses and skirts, and preferred soccer over dolls. Unfortunately, her parents responded harshly to these changes, family arguments arose more frequently, discriminated looks and sarcastic comments marked the fall of her life with cycles of depression, anxiety, and insecurity. Even though at that time, I had little knowledge about sexual orientation, I was always there with her through the traumatic period. After sufficient time, I attempted to resolve the conflicts by providing her parents with information about LGBTQ+: homosexuality is just another sexual orientation, they are just as important as the majority. Each person is born as an individual who acquires their freedom to be themselves and to choose the gender they desire. After all, parents love their child above anything, he realizes that his love, acceptance and sharing are the support that his daughter needs to courageously live the life she dreams of. I was bursting with joy seeing them being able to bring happiness and reassurance to each other. Without a doubt, I wish to be a part of the Gender and Sexuality Center at UT Austin University to spread these knowledge and positive attitudes about LGBTQ+. In particular, organizing and participating in advocated student group affiliates, such as Austin Bisexual Collective, will give me a chance to encourage our society to open our arms in order to welcome and acknowledge the difference of the community as a diversity of life. I have been striving to break the barriers, create an inclusive and safe environment by communicating through social media by means of art - illustrations and letterings. More than that, UT is where people from different backgrounds with different ideas come together to create a dynamic and thought-provoking environment. I believe that this is where I can make an impact and diversify the society as I grow with my passion.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,732 3069  
Oct 18, 2020   #2
You did very weel in the background section and the outside the classroom discussion. Your essay is missing the "in-classroom" presentation. Try to divide this into a 3 paragraph essay to balance out the presentation. That means you should format it in a manner similar to this:

1st: Background
2nd: Social setting
3rd: Relate the social to a classroom setting. Maybe discuss some gender studies classes you hope to study as electives, if it does not relate to your chosen major.

Don't lose sight of what the essay is truly asking for. Your active participation in both the social and academic scene based on a subject of personal interest to you. This is a timely topic and you have given a good presentation. It is just missing one element and that has forced the overall revision of the presentation so as to connect all 3 representations into an interrelated discussion.

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