Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


How TV can affect children? no physical activity, eat unhealthy foods..



rgahra 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2012   #1
firstly, talking about physical problems among children becoming overweight by watching TV continuously for hours and not doing any physical activity in between. They also shun participating in games or play outside. Mostly not being physically active makes a child lazy and give him/her a bad physique making them look different, which could end up getting them in trouble such as bullying by peers and leading them to depression at a very young age. Advertisements shown on TV also have a great impact on a young child's mind. Children follow what they watch on TV and develop wrong habits. Children also get encouraged to eat unhealthy, high calorie food, for example, an 11 year old died suffering from diabetes because of drinking too much Coca Cola in his daily routine. According to an American health department survey, almost 20-25% of young children are suffering from obesity, which is a result of watching TV and eating fast food as shown on TV.

I'm new to this, looking to improve my essay skills. please feel free to edit.

thanks

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Nov 21, 2012   #2
I do not know what the topic has exactly asked, but you should pay more attention to an essay's structure. Why didn't you write an introduction and a conclusion?

Hope the comments help
Regards
Ahmad


Home / Writing Feedback / How TV can affect children? no physical activity, eat unhealthy foods..
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳