Living in the city is better than living in the countryside
Hi, esay forum, I am new here and just start writting essay to improve my english together with preparation for studying Ielts. Hope everyone help and support me. Thanks for reading and correcting.!!! <3
I am really in two minds about where I will live when I afford to buy a house. Should I live in the city or the countryside?
Many consider that living in the city is better than living in the countryside. But, I don't agree completely with this opinion.
Firstly, each person will able to have different thoughts. Therefore, it leads various choices. Having person thinks that they should live in the city to develop their career as easy as possible. Others suppose that their job is convenient when living in the countryside. In this case, living in the countryside is a smart choice.
Besides, in my opinion, living in the city or the countryside is up to so's personality and hobby. With the person who likes the quiet and peaceful places, they will choose the countryside to live. On the other hand, an active person and enjoyable with the crowd, they will decide to live in the city. In this circumstance, living in the city is better so that they can live correctly with their nature.
Last but not least, It's necessary to consider their age. I believe that the higher age gets, the more they like living in the countryside. At that time, everything in their lives is also stable. So, they usually like being back a blue sky with green grass, they will enjoy a clean atmosphere, eat the dishes that they grow themselves. This is the happiest things.
Sum up, living in the city or living in the countryside has its advantages and disadvantages. So, we can't affirm that the living certain place is better. The most important point is that it's up to your opinion about your job, hobby, age and other aspects
Hello hohien
Your text will sound better if you apply the following adjustments to it:
I am [...] still have not decided whether I should reside in the city or the countryside after I find myself in the position to afford buying a house.
Many consider [...] people believe that...
But [...] However, I do not completely agree...
Firstly [...] this sentence is out of place... you should remove it.
Therefore [...] the same applies to this sentence also.
Having person [...] Some people think that by living in the urban area they will have a better chance to make a career.
Others [...] believe that it will be easier for them to attain social prominence while leading the lifestyle of a rural dweller.
is up to [...] depends on one's personality.
With the [...] Those who prefer peace and quiet are more likely to choose moving to the rural area.
an active person [...] those who like to socialize with people actively, will be naturally prompted to consider residing in the city.
In this circumstance [...] this sentence is redundant.
Last but not least [...] one's decision to choose in favor of either an urban of a rural lifestyle is affected by the concerned person's age.
I believe [...] that older people are much more emotionally comfortable with the idea of living in the countryside.
At that time [...] One of the reasons for this is that older people like to have some quiet time to themselves.
So, they usually [...] enjoy gardening, inhaling fresh air, and having solitary walks - the essential part of one's rural lifestyle.
This is the happiest things [...] no need for this sentence.
To sum up...
So, we can't [...] it is quite impossible to come up with any definitive statement, in this respect.
I hope this helped. Regards.
Dear Hien,
I think that comments and remarks above have mostly summed up the changes and enhancements, you need to apply on your essay. Therefore, I will not be giving you grammatical and spelling remarks. I will recommend some amendments on your writing:
1) Avoid using adjectives like "best, better". This kind of adjectives are likely to give the comparison you want to make or the idea you want to advocate much less clear or straightforward.(e.g. living in the city is better than living in the countryside --> living in the city is "more comfortable", "more luxurious" ...)
2) Try to develop your arguments in a logical way. Make your argument following this outline: Thesis (The part of the topic that you will discuss in the rest of the paragraph) --> Development (You develop the thesis by showing its different sides and explaining them in order to make the idea aforementioned in the thesis clearer) --> Examples (Examples are essential in developing your arguments. There are different types of examples: facts, statics, quotes, logic and critical thinking examples).
P.S: Examples can lead after the thesis in your outline, yet, it should be done in an appropriate way where you strengthen your thesis with an example that precedes the explanation and development of your ideas.
3) Be more accurate when it comes down to vocabulary: Any essay should contain some key words that define the idea you want to defend or reject. In that case, you should, in your next essays, be focusing on enhancing the vocabulary you are using. Thus, I advise you to read more articles (NY Times, Washington Post, The Economist ...), read books and ultimately dig deeply in each word and its meaning to figure out proper uses for the word or expressions you are about to learn.
4) Finally, avoid using contractions (e.g. "it's ", "won't " ... --> Correct: it is , will not ).
Regardless the remarks I have pointed out above, reading your essay I felt that you had good ideas to mention. So, that is a good start. Anyway, thank you for the effort.
