IELTS essay: Age limit for retirement is 50 in some countires and 65 to 70 in others

topic
In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50 ,while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70.
Meanwhile,we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties.clearly, there is little agreement
on an appropriate retirement age.
until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
Give reasons for your answer.
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Answer:

Most of the countires has the retirement age of a person to be 50 ,although some of them has the retirement age in the rage of 65 to 70.

These are applicable to public sector and private sector jobs.When it comes to politics, the age for retirement extends to eighties and ninties.
The boundry for retirement from salaried job has vanished for politicians.Young and educated people will have innovative and creative ideas but at the same time

experienced leadership is also a key to success.

Experience leadership with patience and indepth ideas plays a greater role to achieve the goal in most of the fields.
FOr an example, DR.APJ AbdulKalam as a prime minister has achieved a lot as a prime minister with his expertise and experience at his seventies.

Globally, even young leaders are leading nation in a successful path.

The president of singapore Mr.Lee ,who came into power at the very young age of 36 had made tremendous improvement to the
country and its people.Based on the ability to excel and guide nation and its people to succeed through innovation,technology,science and humanitarian approach, leaders should be elected and their employment period should be fixed.

Both young people and experienced people play a vital role in the development of a firm or nation.From the above examples , we can conclude that the factors determining the retirement age should be the abiligy to innovate,lead and excel instead of a fixed age for retirement.

There should be an upper bound age limit, so that younger generation also gets an opportunity to serve the public.

Thanks and Regards
balaji somalinga

Although this intro is well-written, I think that the opening sentence is too long. I suggest creating a short sentence with more appealing tone. What about this: The expectation of retirement age varies among countries.

Let me give a try for the whole;


The expectation of retirement age varies among countries. As such, some people argue that a group of 50-70 still can be company's intangible assets. In the case of politicians, the retirement age should be more than that of the people, since politics comes through experience. Therefore, I believe that workers aged 70 and more can be categorized as less productive workers due to no improved education among those ages.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib

notes

in the introduction you should express your opinion by using some expression for example It seems to me that, In my opinion, in my view,

in the conclusion : you should use for example To conclude, in conclusion, To sum up

the essay is well written but you should divide it in to introduction paragraph one, paragraph 2, then conclusion

This is my little tip for IELTS writing.

The task2 should be over 250 words.
And as repeated words could not be counted, you had better try to write more longer.

For example...
the factors determining the retirement age
-> the factors which are determining the retirement age