Can any one rate my essay as I have IELTS on 26th sept and i am very nervous about Writing part
The best way to reduce number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and lower the age limit for elderly ones.
- Do You agree ?
Ans :
Today traffic accidents become a terrible issue in the entire world. It is because some believe that many young drivers are using vehicles roughly and they start driving at early age which fall in numerous road accidents. Whereas not only youngsters but older people play vital role in the immense contribution for accidents. Therefore ideally , It is because of people drive before their age and continue at old age which is to be raise and reduce age limit of young and elder people.
Firstly, Major issues are being raised due to young drivers and their approach towards traffic etiquettes are immature , It results into danger accident. Today 's youth often inspired by films action scene and they apply in real life is an cause to increase an accident. Secondly , Many adults drive after drink shots of alcohol which drag out their attention on vehicle and ruin their life in silly mischief. Sometimes such minor mistakes of young driver fail other innocent drivers of the road and some may lose their life also. Therefore, I believe government should increase age of young people for driving and before licencing they should also been educated lesson of traffic sense and driving skills.
On the other hand , Older people play constructive contribution to rise traffic accidents. The reason is we often find due to upper age this oldage people suffer so many internal illness like low eyesight, hearing loss and all and that become hurdles while driving and massed up with calamaties .For instance , I read many news that due to sudden heart attack a fifty year old one lost control while driving a car and died off. Thus, Looking at senior age driver I opine that government should fixed up age to drive so we can save older people in society.
In conclusion, Age limits of people to drive are an essential step in reducing traffic accidents. I would also suggest that not only rise and reduce age limit of young and elder driver but their physical and ability should be checked before permitting for driving.
I can help you with your essay. As I glanced at your writing, I could see commas used after transition words (Firstly or First, On the other hand, Thus, etc.) This is a good writing skill. I would like to help you with some corrections to help you prepare for your exam.
There seems to be some missing words. The first sentence place a comma after "Today" and you should add "have" before become.
2nd sentence: "...age, which can lead to numerous accidents."
3rd sentence: You can use "On the other hand" or "In contrast". Ex: " On the other hand, older people can play a vital role in causing accidents."
4th sentence: If this is how you feel. You should state "Therefore, I feel..." Then explain how the age limits need to be raised or lowered in certain age groups.
2nd paragraph: Delete the sentence about adults driving, because this paragraph discusses young drivers. When you use a transition word, sometimes the next word should be in lowercase letters. Ex: "First, major issues are being raised..." This is correct: Therefore, I believe... ("I" is the exception). Missing words need to be corrected: "...youths often are inspired by scenes from action films and they can apply them in real life, which can cause an accident." The last sentence:" increase the age".
3rd paragraph: "On the other hand, older people..." Also, "Thus, looking at senior drivers, my opinion is that the..." These two sentences needed lowercase letters after your transition words too.
You have a variety of examples to support your opinion, but adding the missing words to your essay will help you. I hope this helps you!
