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Reducing traffic accidents by penalizing drivers? [IELTS WRITING TASK 2]

thingoc 1 / 3  
Feb 12, 2020   #1
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people support that strict punnishments for driving crimes play a vital role in reducing traffic accidents. In contrast, other individuals espouse the idea that other measures would be more effecive in enhancing road safety. Both sides have, of course, their own merits, I think the first view is more resonable and this essay aims to prove my claim.

First and foremost, strict punishments force habitants to follow right regulations. In other words, punishments have a direct influence on citizens' benefits, which is a good way to improve their awarenesses. For instance, according to Vietnamese governemtn's regulation, drivers having the level of acohols in their body will be punished more than 10,000,000 vnd, which is considered as a big ammount of money. As a result, this rule has an impact on the consumption of acohols drinks as well as helps to dicrease traffice accidents significantly.

On the other hand, other measures such as the quality of road and, of course, would be effective ways to improve road safety. There is no doubt that the quality of road also has a lot of influences on road stafety. As roof, it is proved that wet surface of the road is considered as a cause resulting in a number of traffic accidents in comparision with the good quality of road. However, I still support myself that improving people's awarenesses that strict punnishments are key factors will bring more positive results to reduce traffic accidents.

In conclusion, it is no denied the importance of other methods, the quality of road for example is a good ways to promote road safety. On the contrary, I firmly believe that strict publishments are main factors to reduce traffic problems.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,280 3982  
Feb 12, 2020   #2
The score for this essay will be lowered by the way that you chose to discuss the topic. For starters, you have actual cut and paste phrases from the original prompt (reducing traffic accidents, road safety.) You need to show an ability to use similar terms and phrases so that you can score well in the LR and GRA sections of the rubic. The vocabulary rand grammar / sentence presentation range will be seen in how well you can rephrase the original prompt.

Next, You have to use the proper audience representative phrases to indicate that you are not yet discussing your personal opinion. Instead, the first and second paragraphs need to show that you are reviewing the public opinions in relation to your possible personal opinion. Terms such as "Public support for" or "On the contrary, some road users lean more towards..." Before saying "I believe that..." This mistakes have a direct effect on your TA score. This type of discussion will be considered as giving only a minimal response to the essay.

Remember the concluding paragraph is a summary of the discussion. Restate the prompt, deliver the 2 points of view, then close with your personal opinion. That is how the essay should be ended. In this instance, your conclusion does not totally summarize the discussion you presented.
OP thingoc 1 / 3  
Feb 12, 2020   #3
Dear Holt,
Thank you so much for your advise. How many points does the eassy deserve to be recieved? Please let me know
GATE 9 / 17 1  
Feb 12, 2020   #4
Its a fairly good writing. The points you've mentioned are correct. Try to add up more ideas.
Add more examples that focus on different traffic rules.
You have just mentioned one point that is quality of roads and repeated it in whole para.You can add up more pointers like traffic lights, overhead bridges, different lanes for different vehicles,stationing of traffic police etc.
shinxg 4 / 7 4  
Feb 12, 2020   #5
It's reasonably good. But the way to improve road quality should be more specific in paragraph 3. And in the ending, both viewpoints should be mentioned rather than your supporting viewpoint.

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