Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries in this day and age


Antoshi123 1 / -  
Sep 12, 2021   #1
Here are my essay. I'm eternally grateful to you guys who help me with my writing.

Some people believe that an aging population is good for business, the economy, and society. Others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries in this day and age. While I can comprehend why a high rate of elderly citizens is conducive to numerous countries, my opinion is that this trend does more harm than good in the long run.

It is understandable why many people perceive the greying population as a beneficial trend, particularly because the seniors can play an integral role in taking care of their grandchildren at home. As that most young parents are snowed under with their work, grandparents are usually family caretakers and babysitters. My grandfather is a salient example. He used to look after my brothers and me when we were little kids so that my parents could get to work. They even saved a large amount of money as my parents were hardly agitated about sending me to kindergarten thanks to the assistance of my grandfather. He is just one example of the many elderly who become the essential backups for young parent's careers and moral support for their children's fully upbringing process.

Nevertheless, I suppose that the aging population is always associated with the scarcity of the workforce. The fact that people aged over sixty are no longer able to contribute to the thriving of a nation is undeniable. For instance, Japan, Korea, and other industrialized countries are facing a severe loss of labor force due to the rise of the greying population. Therefore, governments have to import overseas workers to burgeon their economies prosperously. There is no doubt that the more elderly citizens in the countries, the worse economic circumstances that many countries have to encounter.

All things considered, for the reasons mentioned above, I would not agree the trend of a greying population is an upside.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,584 3758  
Sep 13, 2021   #2
The response format of the essay does not relate to the orginal discussion topic or discussion instructions. The presentation is pretty much based on the writer's own discussion development. The essay will not be considered for a passing score because of this mistake. Once the prompt is altered, the essay cannot pass. Not even when minor scores are awarded in general sections. Here is an outline of the error:

OT:Some people believe that an aging population is good for business, the economy, and society. Others disagree.
YT: An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries

Discussion Instruction: DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.
Discussion Restatement: ...my opinion is that this trend does more harm than good in the long run

See? Both the restatement presentations are off - course. The essay does not meet the requirements for a passing score. The opinion is not based an harm or good. It is based on whether an aging population is good for societal considerations. It is not an alarming issue either, merely a cause for concern.There is a difference in the terms used.


Home / Writing Feedback / An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries in this day and age