Format your response based on the given discussion question. If you exaggerate your response, as you did here, you will be considered as not having followed the correct response format and receive a failing score for your writer's opinion. There is also the additional problem of your paragraph not having a proper thesis statement in support of your writer's opinion. That paragraph is really not well presented and is one of the weakest points of your essay.
On the plus side, your discussion paragraphs stayed on point in support of your personal opinion. That is good because your cohesive discussion proves to be coherent and also, applicable in support of your opinion. That will help to pull up your score in the end.