Undeniably, since its introduction, not only has the internet gained importance in our life but it has also had harmful effects on the society. However, governments have little influence on what's going on the Internet, except a few countries. From my point of view, the internet should be more tightly controlled by governments because of three reasons.
In the first place, there is no doubt that your personal information can be stolen by unauthorized individuals. In fact, the use of Internet for banking, social networking, or other services, often makes our personal information vulnerable to thieves. Savvy hackers can access such sensitive information through unsecured connections by planting phishing software. Moreover, there is no way to secure names, account numbers, addresses, photos, and credit card numbers from being stolen or misused by thieving websites and individuals. Therefore, governments must find out the way to prevent the thieves from attacking our privacy.
What's more, there is no guarantee of the accuracy of information available on the internet. It is believed that a wide range of information about a particular topic is stored on the websites, but some information may be incorrect or not authentic. Hence, it becomes difficult and wastes time to select the correct information and sometimes makes you confused. This is the reason why governments should attempt to censor or filter the internet.
Finally, it goes without saying that young people can easily be influenced by inappropriate content on some websites such as pornography sites. Children can connect to these websites and can see the information which is not good. Additionally, the lack of control over the distribution and unrestricted access of pornographic material is detrimental to children. This phenomenon is a big threat related to children's healthy mental life. Thus, governments should bring laws to control the content of websites.
In conclusion, i personally believe that government should take action to protect internet users from disadvantages of this network. The full control would never happen, but a limited control is vital for users.
Hi. I think that your essay is pretty well-structured and contains a wide range of vocabulary. So I just noticed some minor mistakes :)
Personally, I think that "not only... but also" is not a very appropriate option in this context, since this structure usually have 2 clauses which complement each other, not contradict .
"wastes time" [time consuming ]
Children can connect to these websites and can see the information which is not good
Try something that conveys the meaning better than "good". Perhaps " which is bound to have a negative effect on their minds"
Your conclusion is not very well-written. It's a little short and doesn't summarize the whole idea of your essay
Hope this will help youu :)
phanhblue2007, thank you so much for your comment!
Hi Le, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable addition to your writing projects.
We strive to provide you with the most accurate and objective criticism for your essays and writing articles.
As I read along, I must say that your essay is written in a way that there is a contradicting idea that showcases the relevance to your topic. I say this because, most of the essays with contradicting ideas often go wrong and tend to shift ideas that greatly affects the essay, but yours is equipped with ideas that are geared towards the same goal and the same purpose.
Overall, I do agree that the interwebs, technology in general, has greatly dominated our lives, we work, we eat, we communicate, we breath clean air in a polluted city, all of this is with the help of technology, one way or the other and just like any other innovation, it has its must do and must not do, as the saying goes, think before you click and this is very true, for whatever is fed to the webs will remain searchable for forever.
Hi Le, welcome to the team :) Apart from above suggestions, I would like to point out your weakness with the hope that I am able to strengthen your essay later on. First, you can see that this sentence was somewhat 'hanging' in the air "From my point of view, the internet should be more tightly controlled by governments because of three reasons.". This is because you let your introduction alone without any outlines of your body paragraphs. Therefore, I would like to strengthen your introduction part of this essay in the descriptions below.
- From my point of view, the internet should be more tightly controlled by governments because of its possibility of personal information being stolen, its possibility of inaccurate information, and its inappropriate content for children.
As seen, three different keywords of general ideas have been stated clearly in order to increase the clarity of the essay itself. This is the weakness of your essay that still can be strengthened by you. Good luck for the next practice :)
