Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Playing a game is fun only when you win.

Playing a game is fun only when you win

A recent survey shows that while many people choose gaming as a healthy way of entertainment in their life, many other people believe that only when you win the game will you feel happy. I completely agree with those who have the first opinion. There are some advantages of playing games such as reducing stress, broadening knowledge and learning many skills.

First of all, gaming is one of the effective ways to get rid of stress after tiring working hours. This is because people will focus on another space to make them temporarily forget the current fatigue. In addition, the increase in brain activity while playing the game also improves the player's mood. Entertainment games play the role of helping players feel more relaxed so that is the reason why playing games is very helpful for people.

Secondly, people have the opportunity to acquire knowledge while playing the game. To explain, there are many learning games that bring a lot of knowledge to the participants. From my personal experience, my friend has become fluent in English reading and listening skills because the game he played was entirely in English. To be able to play this game, he had to work hard and get used to it. Therefore, playing games is a good choice for entertainment.

Last but not least, improving many skills is one of the benefits of playing games. One reason for this is there are many games that require players to have a quick mind and ability to memorize. Players will be trained and challenged through many rounds so this will help their skills get better. In short, people can develop other skills when playing games.

2 things one has to remember about the first paragraph presentation. One has to do with English comprehension and restatement skills. The other, has to do with familiarity with IELTS discussion questions.

1. This is the section that is scored in terms of task accuracy. It is based on the writer's ability to understand the question, stick to the discussion, and offer a relevant response or opinion based on the discussion instruction. Therefore, the writer should not make up any information just to make the paragraph longer. Some tasks have 2 sentence presentations. Other restatements can have up to 5 sentence representations. It all depends upon the original topic content and presentation. In this case, this should have been a 2 sentence restatement, without the "survey" representation since that is not a part of the original topic presentation. That created a topic misdirection which will result in a failing restatement score.

2. There are 2 different types of agree or disagree presentations in an IELTS test. The first is the simple, agree or disagree response. The other is the extent of agreement or disagreement based on an emotional response. The response for this essay should be the simple one ( I agree with this statement because...) instead of the complex one (I completely...) based on the question provided. The response does not meet the expected response format and will result in a lower than expected response score because of the improper response format.

These are the 2 reasons that the essay will start with a handicap score that will need to be overcome in the later paragraphs if the exam taker is to pass the test.


Owing to the fact that the experience is not something that happened to you but to a friend, the reference "experience" is incorrect and will confuse the reader. When referencing the experience of someone else, it is better to indicate "Based on my personal knowledge" to clearly indicate that the narration will be about someone else and not you;

This is a 2 reasoning paragraph presentation. It does not require 2 reasons. What it does require is a concluding summary, which was not provided by the writer hence leaving an open ended essay. The lack of a concluding summary often pushes the examiners to give the essay an overall failing score because the writer showed an inability to present a properly formatted discussion.

Grammar:
+ choose gaming --> choose to game
Word choice:
--> too many poor quality phrases ( had to, a lot, Last but not least, get, good, many, etc. )

there are some grammar need fixing