ielts task 2 (agree or disagree that wealthy countries should help poor countries.............)

Dear all,
Thank you for checking my essay!
Best,
Laabobe

Question:
Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters.
Do you agree and disagree?

poor nations should be assisted by rich

Answer:
Due to the humanitarian consideration, those well-off countries should have obligation to help poor nations in order to walk through the dilemma of natural disasters. This essay agrees with this statement because the first aid is not developed well to save the people's lives and the financial condition is weak to rebuild in poor countries.

Poor nations do not have enough resources to save people who are suffering in natural disasters. It is clear that emergency service is utmost essential towards natural disasters and the golden time of saving victims is just 3 days. If wealthy countries come and give a helping hands to poor nations, it can speed up the time of searching the missing which increase the survival rate. Moreover, the injured patients can also receive proper treatments to avoid further viral infection which may cause a big outbreak of serious diseases in that region. For example, the earthquake happened in China in 2008 caused thousands of people death. With the help of other countries, first aiders and immediate food packages had been sent and saved a lot of people's lives.

Rebuilding the countries is impossible with insufficient financial reserve. Many infrastructures are collapsed during the tragedy inevitably, they are needed to be reconstructed as soon as possible so as to resume residents' normal living and to increase the productivity of the countries. Without any help of developed countries, the poor one can only rebuild the country in an extremely slow speed and suffering continues even though citizens are physically recovered. For instance, South Korea donates and helps the government of Cambodia in protecting and fixing their heritage sites as they are too poor to do so.

In conclusion, poor nations should be assisted by rich countries regarding the humanitarian relief so that massive death can be avoided and reconstruction of the countries can also be facilitated during natural disasters.

Hi

I would like to share my insight to your writing

Firstly you have a well written essay with strong ideas, however, some thing i think can improve your writing are;

In your introduction i suggest you give a sense of direction from your own perspectives on why rich countries should aid in natural disasters and followed by the reasons you have stated.

Secondly, its always best to connect smoothly your body discussion with your introduction so that reader can follow more easily, For example, in the first line of your second paragraph your thesis statement would be like First Aid is not developed well.... then support your statement with poor countries .. resources to save people..

and once your given your example reiterate with the reasons on you thesis statement to give a strong complete idea on you stance to agree.

thirdly i suggest start off with financial capabilities of poor and rich country before elaborate on the insufficient finance of poor countries that needs their assistance with examples to validate your standing on the issue and it will give some sense of complete view of both rich and poor countries ability of recovery, however focus more on poor country with your supporting statement.

Finally your last examples needs a supporting statement to sum up why rich countries are more capable to help poor country this will make your idea developed and strong to the readers.

I hope this comments will improve your essay.

@laabobe
Hello, Laabobe. Welcome here! We hope that the feedback you will receive will somehow help you learn something from the forum.

Firstly, be cautious of the form of words you are using. It doesn't matter which type of word it is - the appropriate word should fit like a glove in the writing. The more exposed you are to a native speaker's language and type of writing, the better you will be at spotting these sorts of mistakes. For the get-go, it was clear that the first paragraph had a couple of lapses in it. The first sentence, for instance, needed to omit "those" in there. You haven't discussed anything yet since it's the thesis statement, hence there's nothing to point at to make it appropriate to use that word.

Cut dragging sentences into shorter and more concise ones to help you with writing. If we take a look at the third paragraph's second sentence, it is clear that you had a tendency to over-extend your utterances instead of sticking with a basic format. Be mindful of this when you can. Even in the conclusive remarks, the same issue was also prominent.

Hi @laabobe

I would like to share my opinion regarding your essay for Ielts part 2.

First, at the first paragraph, you should make a little background about poor countries that should be helped by rich countries before your stated your position.

Second, in body paragraphs (second and third paragraphs), you may re-state strongly your points after the examples that you gave.