IELTS-Task 1 AGRICULTURAL PRODUCION IN THE EASTERN AND WESTERN REGION-BARRON'S WRITING FOR THE IELTS

East and West of a country - different agriculture

The charts below show agricultural production in two different regions of the country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts illustrate the percentage of agricultural production in two various regions of the country including the Eastern Region and the Western Region. Overall, while the popular production in the Eastern Region is meat, grain is the most agriculture production in the Western Region.

In the eastern region, the highest popular production is meat, with exactly 35%. The second popular production raised is diary that accounts for 30%. This is five percentage point difference between the top two popular productions. Vegetables and grain made up the lowest proportions with 20% and 15% respectively.

In the western region, on the other hand, it is only concentrated on grain and meat that make up about half and a third of agricultural production respectively. Dairy falls to 15% and the lowest popular production is vegetables with only 5%.

In general, there is a different distribution of agricultural production in both two regions of the country.

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In my opinion, I think the essay has problems related to structure.
If you want to mention the overall at first, it should be: introduction(paraphrase the topic)- Overview: give highlights in general- Detail1- Detail2. Sometimes, you even put the overview at the end if you want.

Moreover, you can use alternative words such as 30%- nearly a third;... in order to avoid there are a lot of numbers given.

@DiepVu99
thank you so much