Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world
The charts shows the proportion of water consumption for different purposes in six continents. The most significant feature is in Agricultural sector which has the largest consumption of water in 5 continents except North America which almost half proportion of water consumed in Industrial.
In 2 developed continent such as North America and Europe, both of it consumed a lot of water in Industrial sector, in which North America consumed almost half(48%) while the Europe half proportion of water consumed, 53%.
In contrast, developing continents like Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia, over four fifth of water consumption is in Agricultural sector. Then rest of 20 percent remaining are in Industrial and Domestic use.
Overall, the significant majority of the water consumption is in Agriculture while North America and Europe water supply used mainly on Industrical purposes.
Arian, from the context I can see that it might be an IELTS writing Task 1 essay. For the next practice, you have to write a proper title to your post in order to ease us (the reader) in checking / reading your essay. For example, you can write 'IELTS TASK 1: Agricultural sector in 5 continents except North America'. Moreover, you are also suggested to upload the image (chart) that you are going to explain. If you didn't put the image like what you've done today, we can't give you the most accurate feedback that we can have because we cannot correlate the information that you write with the information on the chart.
Furthermore, if it is true that this is an IELTS essay, you need to know that the minimum words limit for Task 1 is 150 words. This essay was only 138 words, and therefore you need to add more information to this essay. If you keep doing this in the next practice or even in the real test, you will not be able to reach a good score. Aside from grammatical corrections that has been delivered by Nahid, I think you need to focus on adding the number of sentences for each paragraph. Your second paragraph was only 1 sentence in a paragraph. Thus, you have to revise it. I hope I can see your improvements in the next practice. Good Luck :)