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Writing Task 2 : The air traffic is bigger nowadays, which causes many problems

Yulia Indah 4 / 6 3  
Aug 26, 2017   #1
Air traffic is increasingly more noise, pollution, and airport construction. One reason for this is the growth in low-cost passenger flights, often to holiday destinations. Some people say that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing more heavily. Do you agree or disagree?

how to slim the number of air traffic?

In these days and age, the plane becomes more and more important transportation, especially to visit some far places of interest. In contrast, this obviously increases the air traffic. It is disagreed that increasing tax is a wise way to decline the air traffic without considering other aspects. The reasons why would be explained in this essay.

Firstly, the arrival of domestic and non-domestic tourists would certainly incline the income of host country for developing tourism area and maintaining the facilities. For example, developing country such as Indonesia has the majority of holiday destinations getting benefits related to expand the beautiful-tourism places in the remote area through the appropriate-entrance cost of tourists. Secondly, it might be restricting those who have middle-income to access air transportation system when trying to visit long distance regions for an affordable price. Therefore, there is no equal chance to use airplane regarded as the efficient-luxurious transportation system.

It is true that those who argue to raise tax higher as the solution to decrease the amount of air traffic. However, this tends to resist the active mobility of people gaining the productive time if they go to the faraway destinations in short time and reachable price.

To sum up, it appears that the number of air traffic could be avoided by putting tax up, despite the possible effects. Nevertheless, we have to pay attention more for the reveneu of country and the efficient-accessible transportation system such plane.
vodang 2 / 2 1  
Aug 26, 2017   #2
I think the paragraphs need to be symmetrical. You should add more ideas or revise your ideas. I guess your post is not enough 250 words.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,423 4689  
Aug 26, 2017   #3
Yulia, this is not a very good essay. I believe it would have a difficult time getting a passing score because of the way that you developed it. For starters, the opening paragraph has a tremendous problem. You did not state that you are the person who is disagreeing with the statement. You said that "It is disagreed" without actually stating who is disagreeing. In this instance, the essay is asking for your opinion, in the form of agreeing or disagreeing with the statement. Since you did not state that opinion in the opening statement, you changed the whole discussion for the essay. Which resulted in a different prompt discussion instruction being presented. The TA portion of the essay will not get a passing score and in the process, the whole essay will fail. In the essay, you should be taking ownership of the discussion by representing your beliefs and opinions regarding the statement. Use ownership words like "I believe, I am of the opinion, My point of view, I expect that" and other ownership phrases that will enhance your personal opinion in the essay. The way this is written, it will not score higher than a 2 because it barely responds to the task.

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