I violently was thrown from four thousand pounds of hard metal vehicle into a concrete wall. It was a labor day in the sun set city of Miami where a mass of teenagers like myself were out of town just for the holiday. Somehow, most of us went down to South Beach a place that never sleeps. Upon the ride to party town, I found myself making some new friends on the road, friends such as, Megan, Nicole and Tom. As we met on the busy street of Ocean Drive doing at traffic jam, we began to talk about a way to get out the traffic jam and maybe to find a place to park. I run through the various procedures in getting out the traffic jam. I subjected for us to make a left on Ocean and 5th. Then, we were able to find two parking spaces. Nicole asked me "If I was a Miami native?" And I said yes I am. Then, we instantly become friends. While, we were in the parking lot, Megan popped her trunk open and pulled out a bottle of Captain Morgan alcohol. Suddenly, we began to drink and talk. As we drank our way through half of the bottle, we began to discuss places to go party. There was nothing but loud cars and music in the street as we were drinking. Tom and Megan are from Brooklyn New York and Nicole is from New Jersey. After talking and drinking, we decided to go to club Dream. As we make our way to the strip, we were accompanying with a lot of other people in the street. We walked from 5th in Ocean Dr to Collins and 14th street. The street was vibrant and the ground was sparkle with bright lights. For Tom and Megan the south beach lights reminded them of Times Square New York and for Nicole she was just amazed of her surroundings. They all relied on my opinion as Miami native. When I looked around, I was reminded how fun it was for me to walk South Beach with new friends I just met. I felt so happy that we were finally at the club. The long awaited lines were painful for us to bear. We decided to buy two bottle of Grey Goose just to get in the night club. The regular admission price was a hundred dollars each just to get in. After we thought about having to wait in long lines, we took the easy way in by buying two bottles. Megan and Nicole contributed four hundred dollars and Tom and I contributed five hundred dollars which bring us to a total of nine hundred dollars. We got in and drank some more and danced, yelling on top for our lungs. This by far was the best time of our life. As every second drag on, we seems to drank, danced and drank some more. As the night drag on, I decided to leave the night club. I looked for my new profound friends and they were nowhere to be found. I made my way towards the exit door. Then, I tried to flag a cab. I struck out and I began to walk back towards my car on 5th and Ocean. After I arrived in the parking lot, I got in my car and make my way towards the exit. As I began to drive, I could not keep my eyes open. I had struggled furiously to stayed awake and remain in the right lane. I violently lost complete control and end up head on with a concrete wall. "Alcohol is the most used drug among teenagers all around the world" and alcohol is the cause of most College student death in Miami. On that fateful night devoted my life to let others aware that I almost lost my life do to drunk driving...
I need help reviewing this paper?
This has too many unnecessary details. Imagery details are great, but meaningless details like names and street addresses are not helpful. Create an experience for the reader by taking out as many details as you can and leaving only the imagery words that create an experience while the story unfolds.
Also, use paragraphs!! They are a necessary means of organization, so the reader does not have to organize it mentally while reading. :-)
On that fateful night I devoted my life to making others aware that I almost lost my life do to drunk driving...
