Hi, I'm gonna have IELTS in a few days.
I hope you can check this essay and estimate the band score ,then tell me what I need to improve?
Thanks a lot!
TOPIC:
The government should not put money in building theaters and sports stadiums. Instead, it should spend money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?
The question about how to allocate government expenditure has generated many hours of thought and discussion. Some people suggest that the authority should invest in medical treatment and educational institutes instead of recreation facilities, such as theaters and sports stadiums.
This argument may be true. As education is the prerequisite of development and stability, the government has the obligation to give the priority imparting knowledge to public. As a matter of fact, an uneducated person who barely appreciates musicals in all likelihood is eager to professional skills to make money rather than amusement or enjoyment. Furthermore, taking care of citizens suffering from illness is more urgent and pragmatic than building cinemas or gyms, since the disabled claim foundational aid such as nursing care and medical treatment rather than sports stadiums or theaters. More importantly, slap-up entertainment facilities make no sense to those who live in poverty, because laid-off workers for instance, have no enough disposable income to afford them.
On the other hand, there are various aspects against this argument. Nowadays, both fierce competition and great pressure has created alienation between people. To relieve psychological burden, citizens need some ideal diversion to increase mutual understanding and ease their minds, such as enjoying a wonderful football game with colleagues at weekend and taking a day trip to a theater. Also, museums and art galleries, as well as educational institutes, play pivotal roles in exhibiting and instilling culture and history, which could enrich individuals' academic experience and expand their outlook. In addition, running recreation facilities enables the government to increase tax revenue that can be used to fund hospitals and institutions, which will create the beneficial cycle in terms of economy.
In my opinion, it is necessary for the government to strike the balance between funding entertainment facilities and infrastructure. Only by this way can we meet the expectation of people with different social class.
I hope you can check this essay and estimate the band score ,then tell me what I need to improve?
Thanks a lot!
TOPIC:
The government should not put money in building theaters and sports stadiums. Instead, it should spend money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?
The question about how to allocate government expenditure has generated many hours of thought and discussion. Some people suggest that the authority should invest in medical treatment and educational institutes instead of recreation facilities, such as theaters and sports stadiums.
This argument may be true. As education is the prerequisite of development and stability, the government has the obligation to give the priority imparting knowledge to public. As a matter of fact, an uneducated person who barely appreciates musicals in all likelihood is eager to professional skills to make money rather than amusement or enjoyment. Furthermore, taking care of citizens suffering from illness is more urgent and pragmatic than building cinemas or gyms, since the disabled claim foundational aid such as nursing care and medical treatment rather than sports stadiums or theaters. More importantly, slap-up entertainment facilities make no sense to those who live in poverty, because laid-off workers for instance, have no enough disposable income to afford them.
On the other hand, there are various aspects against this argument. Nowadays, both fierce competition and great pressure has created alienation between people. To relieve psychological burden, citizens need some ideal diversion to increase mutual understanding and ease their minds, such as enjoying a wonderful football game with colleagues at weekend and taking a day trip to a theater. Also, museums and art galleries, as well as educational institutes, play pivotal roles in exhibiting and instilling culture and history, which could enrich individuals' academic experience and expand their outlook. In addition, running recreation facilities enables the government to increase tax revenue that can be used to fund hospitals and institutions, which will create the beneficial cycle in terms of economy.
In my opinion, it is necessary for the government to strike the balance between funding entertainment facilities and infrastructure. Only by this way can we meet the expectation of people with different social class.