Hey Anna, here is a little of my suggestion toward your essay ..
I think it would be better if you put a introduction first rather than directly state that you agree the statement.
So lets put "Some people believe that university degree should be allocated for some skills to find jobs and just some educated experts have to need this information" in the first line as the introduction. Then put your agreement following by the reason.
is explain edS about adults should have sufficient information about general career skills
... knowing about different jobs and how to get jobs
for regular people.M
ost of people are
Actually, you need to restate in what extent you agree toward the statement in conclusion to make it clear what side do you prefer and answer all of the task.