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The alteration of expenditure in local government of Someland over 30-year period


restuanlubis 4 / 7  
Mar 29, 2017   #1
IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : The three charts below show the changes in annual spending in Somelands

The pie charts compare the alteration of expenditure in local government of Someland over 30-year period. Overall, almost all features were dominated by higher education but the smallest proportion of fund had spent by other parts. The total amount of expenditure decreased dramatically from 1980 to 2000 by both K-12 education and other features while environmental service increase gradually.

At the beginning of the 30-year period, the figures for higher education and K-12 education spent just over a half. By the end of 30 years, the former had risen by 5 percent while the latter had fallen dramatically. Moreover, the amount of expenditure had decreased steadily about one in twenty such as other parts while environmental services had risen gradually.

A more detail looks at pie chart reveals that the number of transportation and number of human resources fluctuated. Between 1980 and 1990, the former decreased while the latter increased. Furthermore, from 1990 to 2000 the number of those outgoing to transportation had risen, while the number of those spending on human resource had sharply fallen.




tamtamii 9 / 7  
Mar 29, 2017   #2
halo Mr. @restuanlubis

I have read your essay and I thought that it is quite good. In your overview, your explanation is too detail as my knowledge that it must be general trend. Although you use language of change in this essay, you have to add information from data (number). You can increase your words and changes the word to improve your lexical resources. Such as "increase= rocket" or other similar words.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,031 2721  
Mar 30, 2017   #3
Restuan, please take note that you should only use the information provided to you within the pie charts and you are not at liberty to make up some information, or relate information that is not in the chart. There was no indication of the place "Someland" in the pie chart and instructions. So that term should not be used in your essay. The proper way to have written the overview would have been to say:

Three pie charts, covering 3 decades of expenses for an unknown town has been provided for analysis...

When there are factors that are missing from the chart that need to be mentioned, the test is trying to find out if you have the analytical skills to spot that missing data and, if you have the ability to properly represent the missing data in your essay in a proper manner.

The language of your essay gets confusing at certain points. For example, I reread the part where you wrote:

Furthermore, from 1990 to 2000 the number of those outgoing to transportation had risen,

What do you mean by "outgoing to transportation"? That phrase does not make any sense to a native English speaker. These, plus additional grammar concerns led to a score of 4, in my opinion for this essay.


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