Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The ancient outlooks IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2


Jun 15, 2022   #1

The ancient outlooks



The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful and prepare younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, globalization and technology development have changed almost every aspect of human life. As a result, it can be adopted that some traditional values are no longer accepted with the lifestyles of youngsters. While I agree that certain traditional ideas are outdated, I still believe that those views are still useful even in modern life.

On the one hand, some of the ideas of older generations about lifestyle and human behaviors are becoming less suitable for youngsters. To cite an example, old people advised to have stability in working and marriage, those are considered as a success in life according to them. Meanwhile, younger generations have a tendency to choose freelance employment , which offers flexible workload and freedom of workspace. At the same time, being-single culture is becoming the measure of success instead of getting married. Additionally, the difference of - in social responsibility between two generations can be seen clearly in gender. Females are excelling in every profession such as politics, economy and medicine,etc.The traditional roles of men as breadwinners and women as housewives are not the case anymore.

On the other hand, saving money and contingency costs are always the truth advised by the older generations. Opposed to the YOLO lifestyle of young people, the saving budgets can solve the emergency situations in human life. This viewpoint will be illustrated by Covid-19 disease, which affects the global finance and economy by joblessness, social distancing and the rise of medicine spendings. Meanwhile, almost all youngsters are getting into debt because of their overspending, the older people still overcome the disease without the lack of budget. As a result, financial safety is the traditional idea that should be maintained in this modern life.

In conclusion, some of the ancient outlooks are becoming irrelevant in this new era. In spite of that, many traditional ideas still stand true, and should be kept, practiced by young generations.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Jun 15, 2022   #2
There are 2 opposing points of view in the original prompt that refer to specific groups. These groups must be identified as a part of the prompt restatement. These missing references make the rewording unacceptable. It changed the discussion topic source but retained a portion of the theme. Meanwhile, the writer's opinion is not properly formatted and does not correctly answer the question provided. The extent response in not represented. The response preview further heightens the prompt disconnection of the paraphrasing to the point of a preliminary failing score.

There are also GRA problems in relation to dash (-) usage. This seems to be one of the writer's favorite punctuation marks, but heis not familiar with when to (not) use it:

1. Use to join independent clauses
2. Indicate non-essential information
3. Offset sentence lists
4. Create sentence emphasis

The dashes were not used in the above indicated scenarios and are therefore, punctuation errors.

The use of the YOLO reference without a translation for the reader makes it confusing to read for people not familiar with modern English parlance. Always give the acronym meaning first and place the acronym in a parenthesis.


Home / Writing Feedback / The ancient outlooks IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2