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Anti-social behavior, lack of respect to others -help me make some improvement


adverb 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2010   #1
Today there is a great increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem´╝č

Nowadays, the issue of anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others is not uncommon.This is especially true among young people. There are mainly two causes of this phenomenon--the negative influence of mass media,the decline of the family and poverty.

As the mass media become increasingly commercialized, program producers and publishers of books are more focused on ratings, which is clearly associated with profits. Therefore, violence of all kinds are presented on TV and in books. The constant exposure to violence is to suggest to people that violence is an ordinary way of life, and that shooting and cheating are possible ways to succeed. We also notice that our societies and even our families have become less cohesive, as people have to struggle to cope with the challenges of life. The decline in our sense of community and family has gone hand-in-hand with the rise of individualism. People increasingly look after their own interests without considering the needs of society.

Accordingly, it is the government's responsibility to introduce restrictions and supervision on the mass media, i.e. not allowing certain TV programs at given times, or by limiting the number of books published according to their content. Families and schools also play equally important role in dealing with this problem. Parental guidance is a key factor of self-cultivation in one's lifetime. Parents can spend more time staying with their children and patiently carry out the duty of family education. For children who exhibit some anti-social behaviour, schools should help them to realize what they did is wrong rather than giving up on them.

Overall, although the problem of anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others seem to be inevitable, we must recognize its negative effects on the society as a whole and work on effective measures to diminish its adverse influences.

cathyliu 19 / 54  
Feb 22, 2010   #2
Nowadays, the issue of anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others is not uncommon.

suggestion: it is not uncommon nowadys to witness some anti-social behaviours or
disrespect for others.
klusterfunk 6 / 21  
Feb 22, 2010   #3
Hua Ye,

That was a fantastic essay. Very straight-forward, and very to the point.

Some minor grammatical quibbles:

There ought to be a space between a period and the first letter of the next sentence in a paragraph.

...phenomenon - the negative...

Families and schools also play equally important roles ...

... effects on the society as a whole...

Keep up the good work! : )
cathyliu 19 / 54  
Feb 22, 2010   #4
after re-read your article (yesterday I have to leave because of the time limit.), overall, I think it is logically clear. but the last paragraph should be given a revised also, corresponding to the question.

personally, I think the responsibility for this question should involve in both individuals and society.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 23, 2010   #5
This is what colons are for----> There are mainly two causes of this phenomenon: the negative influence of ...
I replaced the dash with a colon.

Another problem is that the decline of family and poverty are different problems, so you have to write:
There are two main causes of this phenomenon: the negative influence of mass media, and the decline of the family. and poverty.
You should not include poverty in the introduction if you are not going to talk about it in the essay.

If you want to add a paragraph about poverty, you can write:
There are three main causes of this phenomenon: the negative influence of mass media, the decline of the family, and poverty.

Then you would have one body paragraph about mass media, another about the decline of the family, and another about poverty.

:-)


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