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There is a general increase in anti-social behaviors and lack of respect for others - IELTS

Thanh Hoang 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2016   #1
There is a general increase in anti-social behaviors and lack of respect for others. What are the causes and solutions?

Over the past few years, antisocial behaviors and disrespects are rising rapidly in the public. There are several causes of this alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem.

There is various causes of these problems, I would argue that there are some main reasons for issues. It is undoubtedly that these are caused by lack of moral education because nowadays the general public is preferable to obtain knowledge than human behaviors. In Vietnam, the public, especially, parents are totally aimed at schoolchildren to important subjects such as math, physical and chemistry and disregarding moral principle. In addition, the public is bothered about finance and authority in today's society therefore those people who are powerful or wealthy show generally disrespect for others, particularly a number of citizens in Vietnam who come from a privileged background show a lack of respect for people who are underprivileged.

There are several actions that governments could take to tackle the problems described above. Firstly, a simple solution would be to impose punishments such as financial penalties for those who have unacceptable activities will make community has more respectful behaviors. A second measure would be for government to encourage the younger generation not only take attention on learning science subjects but also need to consider social subjects to enhance their moral responsibilities. Moreover, local authorities should widely disseminate information on moral standards in social and conventional media. Finally, one of the most significant factors is family which parents plays a vital role in educating moral principles, the family happiness will create moral generations.

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to lower rude actions and unsocial attitudes.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 14, 2016   #2
Thanh, even though your essay is a grammatical mess at this point, you will be pleased to know that it did not deter you from actually delivering an essay that contained a clear sense of logic, effective examples, and a satisfactory concluding response. The main problem you have with the essay has more to do with the formatting and method by which you depict your opinions, causes, and solutions.

To begin with, the introduction could use more development. Your restated prompt fails to completely paint your understanding of the prompt requirements. Your representation of what end result the prompt provides though, is clear and informs the readers of what kind of discussion to expect. You could add a few more logical sentences to develop this particular paragraph in terms of your restated prompt understanding.

Your formatting needs work as you have not managed to create a separated paragraph format for your discussion of the reasons you are discussing. This merged paragraph format makes it difficult to follow and remember the causes that you are explaining to the reader. This is a problem that can easily be resolved by using the correct "one topic per paragraph" method that can also include the examples that you present for each discussion.

The conclusion could really use the same amount of work that i suggest that you apply to the introduction paragraph as that is the weakest link of your essay. Being only one sentence long does not qualify it as a proper conclusion. It does not even pass the grade as an acceptable conclusion. Work on developing your conclusion in your next essay as well.

I'll give you a chance to repeat this practice essay if you want to, before I launch into the grammatical errors.While I can correct those errors for you. I don't feel that is actually affected the message that you were trying to deliver with the essay you wrote. So I would rather concentrate on the real problem areas of your essay before we launch into the medium scale problems the essay contains.

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