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[Ielts]anti-social behavior,why and solution..


findthetime 5 / 9  
Apr 7, 2011   #1
Many people believe that today there is a general anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others.What might have caused this situation?How to improve it?

[Pls hep to correct...thanks much]

With the revolutionary change in the last half century, the entire human society has experienced great progress in varied respects beyond our wildest expectation, meanwhile, the problems of people's antisocial and losing respect of others also come up which are worried by the public. Overall, I think the modern life style and economic situation should be responsible for this, and affirmative measures need to be taken for solution.

There are several reasons in contribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, the fortune gap between the rich and the poor had been increasingly widen because of the advancement of technology, which give rise to the conflict and misunderstanding between wealthy people and the poor. Therefore, those people who suffered in poverty are more likely to express their anger and hatred in an anti social way. In the second place, individuals are vulnerable to the temptation of evil social information when they are inundated with the sense of aimless and blankness, as a result of that, they tend to misconduct for lacking the fundamental moral code and this is especially common in young people. Lastly, the accelerating development of economy should take a responsibility for leading to such occurrence. People nowadays are more likely to engage in making money rather than consider the other respect such as the enjoyment of life, the sense of money-oriented influence them gradually in moral degradation, which might enable individuals to commit a crime eventually.

This phenomenon is getting worse increasingly and we should take measures to prevent its exacerbation. Firstly, government should play a pivotal role to address the problem of economic inequality, for example, the fortune gap need to be narrow down by improving the social security and ensure it is adequate and coverall for people, also, a tax need to be levied on the affluent and assist the poor to create wealth. Secondly, education of ethical standards is very essential and should be instilled to individuals through daily life, which aims to help them in building up a strong value of morality. Last but not least, personal awareness on life constitutes considerable elements in dictating how we behave, people need to have a clear perspective on their life style, equipping themselves with moral compass and improve the quality of life physically and psychologically.

In brief, only when individuals develop themselves within a healthy way and hold a strong moral value, can the antisocial behaviors be decreased to some extent. Furthermore, governments should ensure the economic environment can be develop in a healthy style

hafsa abid 4 / 40  
Apr 7, 2011   #2
There are several reasons in contribute to this phenomenon.

do you think it should be "in"...maybe...to my opinion...."that" is more suitable
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 9, 2011   #3
do you think it should be "in"...maybe...to my opinion...."that" is more suitable

Yes! I agree. It's like this:
There are several reasons that contribute to this phenomenon.

As you continue to practice English, use short sentences instead of long, complex ones:
With the revolutionary change in the last half century, the entire human society has experienced great progress in varied respects beyond our wildest expectations . Meanwhile, the problems of...

And I'll make a small change to the end, too:
In brief, only when individuals develop themselves in a healthy way and hold strong moral values can the antisocial behaviors be decreased to some extent. Furthermore, governments should ensure the economic environment can be developed in a healthy way.style

Practice these corrections. :-) You write very clearly... keep practicing!
ekekek 25 / 51  
Apr 11, 2011   #4
I appreciatie that you could write so long in the limitted time~~
Generally speaking, I think the second paragragh was a little overlong~~ Please pay more attention to you structure~~
^0^


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